Was Ukraine Born In 1989 Or Did Obama Invent It? Candace Owens And Marjorie Taylor Greene Debate History!

Marjorie Taylor Greene and Candace Owens know Kremlin conspiracy theories totally real history facts about Russia and Ukraine. But who knows Kremlin conspiracy theories totally real history facts about Russia and Ukraine better? That is what we are here to find out.

Who will win the grand prize of one billion Russian rubles ($1.14 USD)?

First up, we have Candace Owens, last seen here telling everyone that what's ACTUALLY going on in Ukraine is literally whatever Vladimir Putin says it is, and that this is all America's fault, citing Putin's February speech at the UN Security Council.

Today she's here to tell us she's been nosing around the "history" books in Putin's study and learned that "Ukraine" wasn't even a thing before 1989. Wait, where have we heard that? Was it when Putin started aiming his missiles at Ukrainian babies while explaining that Ukraine was a "fiction"? Perhaps.

: Wow, "genocidal colonization" is interesting. Again, going back to my point about people being stupid, you know – he's not trying to commit a genocide of the Ukrainians. That obviously makes no sense because there's very – there is no difference, ethnically, between Ukrainians and Russians, obviously. Ukraine wasn't a thing until 1989. Ukraine was created by the Russians. It was, you know, they speak Russian. So, it's absolutely ridiculous. And, again, this entire episode has been exposing to you how ignorant people are about the goals of Vladimir Putin. He has goals. The goal is not just to get rid of Ukrainians. That makes entirely no sense. It would not be helpful for him.

Candace Owens knows what would be helpful to Putin. It's all the words she makes money to say every day, that is what is helpful to Putin.

"Ukraine wasn't a thing until 1989," she says. This fuckin' piece of shit human.

Ukraine is actually a far, far older society than Russia, with its own history, and just like all the former Soviet satellite states, it has its own national identity that's decidedly not the same as Russia's. Kyiv was founded a good 700 years before Moscow was. Many Ukrainians started clamoring for independence around the time the Russian empire fell in 1917. A new country called the Ukrainian People's Republic formed, but it only lasted three years. (Had the same flag, though.) The new Soviet Union that formed in its place included Ukraine as a distinct entity. And after the Soviet Union fell, when Candace Owens graced the world with her presence as a baby, Ukraine became a straight-up independent nation.

You want to read the actual history of Ukraine? Timothy Snyder, historian and expert on global authoritarianism, wrote it out in detail just before Putin's invasion began. To dig in even deeper, check out this fascinating article that delves into how this is, in one very significant way, a religious war over who controls Orthodox Christianity and what kind of a religious force it will become going into the future.

Spoiler: None of those actual history articles say "Ukraine wasn't a thing until 1989."

Also yeah, there are Russian-speaking areas in the east of Ukraine, but the rest of the country speaks a language called "Ukrainian," which really truly is a whole different language.

Stupid asshole.

Our next contestant is equally deranged, and her name is GOP Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. Here is what she thinks is the history of Ukraine:

Try to get past the chyron that says "Marjorie Taylor Greene addresses the nation" (LOLOL).

Anyway, in this video, Greene says "a potential war with Russia" won't be just like Eye-Rack or Afghanistan. Pulling out her proverbial globe, she explains that "this is an eight-year-long smoldering conflict in which peace agreements have been routinely violated by both sides." You see? Both sides do it!

Of course, we are not sure what "peace agreement" Ukraine has violated, by MTG's sage assessment, since these eight years started when Russia invaded the sovereign nation of Ukraine and started stealing land and murdering people. Oh no, Marge! Did Ukraine "violate" one of its "stop hitting me" agreements? (Sidenote: Remember how we spent the entire Trump administration talking about how "Ukraine peace plan" was always a codeword for proposals from Russia-colluding Trump people to lift sanctions off Putin, in order that the king's desires may be fulfilled? Remember how those discussions were always kind of esoteric? Not anymore!)

Citing no sources, MTG lies and says Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Mitt Romney have "direct financial interests" in Ukraine. Reaching into her pants for a dingleberry to read like a fortune cookie, she recites that Ukraine is a "country which government only exists because of the Obama State Department helped overthrow the previous regime."

Yes, that is how MTG put her words together there — "a country which government only exists because of the Obama State Department helped overthrow the previous regime." So she definitely loses points for diction and English language proficiency against Owens, who is much better at saying words.

Of course, that's also a Kremlin conspiracy theory about the government of Ukraine and what happened with the Euromaidan protests in 2013 and 2014. Indeed, part of why Putin attacked the 2016 election specifically to hurt Hillary Clinton, aside from his personal animosity against her, was because in his diseased brainhe blamed America for orchestrating the 2013 popular uprising and overthrow of Viktor Yanukovych, the pro-Russian stooge then running Ukraine (yes, with Paul Manafort's help), after Yanukovych pulled out of an agreement to bring the country closer to the European Union and replaced it with a shitty deal with Russia.

After all, Ukraine couldn't possibly want to join up with the EU and tell Russia to get bent, could it? Must have been the US State Department's doing! Current events suggest otherwise.

After that, Putin was so mad he invaded and stole Crimea in early 2014.

That is what MTG is serving us on a platter. And to be clear, this is why she doesn't want us to get carried away helping Ukraine. Because in her broken brain, the current government is just something Obama's State Department cooked up.

So who wins this foreign policy debate? We are not sure, the points are still being tallied and both contestants are still unconscious from all the stepping on rakes.

Oh wait, late breaking news, the winner is Vladimir Putin.

When this is all over, can we send these numbnuts to The Hague too?

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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