Marjorie Taylor Greene Is Never Gonna Be President ... We’re Pretty Sure

Culture Wars
Marjorie Taylor Greene Is Never Gonna Be President ... We’re Pretty Sure

I admit there are moments when I'm afraid Marjorie Taylor Greene could become our next, dumb Republican president. It's like in a movie when someone wakes up from a terrible nightmare. Everything seems OK, but then they go outside and see a talking goat riding down the street on a Segway. Oh no! They never actually woke up, and now the president is someone who lacks the intelligence of even your average non-verbal goat.

Wednesday, the late John McCain's secret daughter, Meghan, warned on "The View" that the congresswoman from Georgia, with all her free time, could become president if Democrats aren't nicer to Republicans. It was the climax of her Miss Arizona Teen Jesus beauty pageant speech.

MEGS: I'm trying to do my part in putting positivity in the world and meet in the middle on this show as much as I possibly can because I ultimately can only control myself. I really call to the rest of you on this show and to everyone in America to all of us collectively come together and really try to amp down this temperature as much as we can because I don't want to see any more violence, and I'm actually scared about what the future holds, and if we just keep demonizing each other, and attaching ourselves with those lunatics on Capitol Hill, we're going to end up with a Marjorie Taylor Greene as president, and I'm more fearful of that than anything else facing us in the future.

McCain and far too many other Republicans insist Democrats can select their presidential nominees, as if we're responsible if they vote purely out of spite. They unleashed the insurrectionist in chief on us, but we responded like grownups with Joe Biden, not unfrozen Castro head on a robot body.

However, even if nasty Democrats cruelly provoke innocent Republicans into nominating another horror show, it's worth reminding everyone that the previous White House occupant lost the 2020 election, badly. He lost the popular vote in 2016 but won the archaic and goofy Electoral College by the skin of his teeth. He benefitted from the media mostly ignoring his obvious unfitness and continuing its decades-long sexist coverage of Hillary Clinton. They both finished the election with record low favorability ratings. Worse, in one of the greatest media fails ever, the future President Klan Robe was somehow viewed as a “moderate" Republican.

The guy ran the most racist presidential campaign until his next one, but (white) voters thought Clinton was the radical. These damnable circumstances are hard to replicate. No one considers Greene a moderate, a political outsider who can make deals. Most importantly, she never played an idealized, fake-ass version of herself on primetime TV for a decade.

The one-term loser certainly opened the door for goofy, know-nothing candidates. His star witness for Michigan's “election fraud," Mellissa Carone, is plotting a run for the state House of Representatives. In less absurd times, Carone's next appearance after her breakout performance would've been on the "Real World/Road Rules Challenge," maybe “Survivor" if she had any recognizable skills. But Lauren Boebert is a congresswoman, so why should Carone settle for eating rats on camera?

Pinch yourself, realize you're fully awake, and take consolation in the knowledge that presidential candidate Greene likely wouldn't even carry her own state. She's poison in the Atlanta suburbs, and Republicans, including her primary opponent John Cowan, suspect her unhinged rhetoric cost them Georgia's US Senate runoffs and their US Senate majority. Greene would probably perform around the same level as presidential also-rans Kentucky Senator Rand Paul and Michele Bachman. There's always been a kook caucus in the GOP. They're just louder now.

What Megs McCabe neglects to mention during her concern-trolling fearcast is that the previous White House occupant didn't get his ass beat last year because his “economically anxious" (i.e. racist) base failed to turn out for him. They still showed up in gross force, which is why down-ballot Republicans performed better than expected. However, the one-term loser tanked with white college-educated voters in cities and the suburbs, whom he tried to warn about Cory Booker.

Republicans are the ones “demonizing" anyone they consider different and wrong, which now includes other Republicans. Even if Marjorie Taylor Greene or, hell, Mellissa Carone became the next Republican presidential nominee, they can only win if so-called “good" Republicans repeat their original sin from 2016: Close their eyes and vote for the candidate who'll lower their taxes.

If she wants to avoid any future nightmare, Meghan McCain just has to refrain from voting for a lunatic who happens to be a Republican. I'm sure it's a struggle.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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