Mark Kelly Could Be Just The Spaceman To Launch Mitch McConnell's SCOTUS Dreams Directly Into The Sun

Since Ruth Bader Ginsburg died on Friday, amidst the despair and existential dread, people have been talking about whether or not Mitch McConnell actually is holding the cards he says he's holding, and will actually be able to quickly seat a "Handmaid's Tale" extra in RBG's seat before Joe Biden beats the shit out of Donald Trump in 43 days.

Senators Lisa Murkowski and Susan Colins have made statements suggesting they are opposed to it, though take Susan Collins's word at your own peril. Some are holding on to past statements from Chuck Grassley suggesting what's good for the goose is good for the "pidgin," and that he would support waiting for a new president to make the nomination. Of couse, Grassley isn't chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee anymore. Craven shitheel Lindsey Graham is.

Mitt Romney? Nobody fucking knows, and he's not saying.

Throughout all this talk about other vulnerable senators — Joni Ernst is DOWN THREE to Theresa Greenfield according to a new poll, DONATE TO GREENFIELD — exactly nobody has suggested that Arizona GOP Senator Martha McSally might have a shred of human decency, or even read the room and realize just how badly she is about to lose her own Senate race, and support waiting for a senator people actually want representing them to cast that vote. She's a total fucking asshole. Nobody ever died on the hill of "Maybe Martha McSally will surprise us by having a soul."

Speaking of, hello, Senator McSally:

But it might not matter, if we can stall long enough, and if you haven't heard about why yet, here is why.

Mark Kelly, astronaut husband of Gabby Giffords, is somewhere between one million and three gabillion points ahead of McSally, depending on which poll you look at. The fork in McSally's Senate career, it is almost just about stuck in it. And Kelly, if (when) elected, won't have to wait until January to be sworn in with a new Congress, because of how McSally wasn't elected to shit. The governor of Arizona appointed her to John McCain's Senate seat, after she lost her 2018 race for Arizona's other Senate seat to a bisexual ex-Mormon.

Therefore, according to the rules, Kelly could be sworn in as soon as November 30, because the Arizona race is actually a special election. So once Arizona certifies it, Kelly can go to Washington and put his hand on the Bible and say the oath, which is "LOL eat dicks, Mitch." (That is NOT the Senate oath. What temperamental, uncouth jokes we are making this morning!)

We just have to drag shit out that long. (We will explore in another post exactly how we might drag shit out that long.) And Susan Collins has to keep her wo-HAHAHAHAHAHA LOLS.

Point is, the conclusion here is not foregone, and we just wanted you to know about the whole Arizona situation, in case you had not seen it during your 200 hours of doom-scrolling the internet this weekend while you were eating your feelings.

According to ActBlue, people have given over $100 million since RBG died. Go give some more of it to Mark Kelly. (Also some of it to us, below.)

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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