Have you ever really really needed to prove someone isn't racist so bad during a congressional hearing that you were willing to make yourself look like a complete asshole in front of the entire nation? Well, if you ever find yourself with a White Nationalist albatross around your neck, please, for the love of everything, do not do what Republican Mark Meadows did yesterday. What Meadows did was super hella racist, very humiliating, and causes black people to shake our heads until they fall off of our necks. I, know, I know, it's not like the rest of the GOP who were in attendance looked like they even know what an intersection is, BUT, he really took the Caucasity up to a whole nother level. I am comforted by the fact that they managed to leave most of their crazy at El Pollo Loco, and not bring crisis actors into the chamber. Unlike Mark Meadows.

Meadows didn't have a very nice time during testimony at the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday, and really it's all his own fault. Meadows had been riling himself up for HOURS by the time he spilled over with outrage over Cohen writing N/A on some forms and also, for calling Daddy Sugar, aka Trump, a ... I don't know if I should say it … *looks around* a *whispers* racist. Shhh! It's okay, don't panic. Wait. You're not shocked? Well, Meadows sure the fuck was. He was so shaken and victimized by it, I'm pretty sure he will demand reparations and a History month for him and his fellow Mayo-Americans, so they can celebrate their deliverance from the Black Supremacy inherent in someone calling a white man racist.

Yes, Cohen used the "R" word, and told America that Trump is a racist sumbi*ch, which was TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION. Now do you see why Meadows was ANGRY as HELL? Me neither. But that's okay, see, Mark apparently has acquired himself some POC family members, and as we here at Wonkette know, people with EVEN ONE black family member cannot be racist. Unless they happen to be racist. So, Meadows sat fuming and was maybe thinking of his not white family members while he sent Cohen Death Ray Glares from across the room. It was clear that he had something up his sleeve, or he wanted payback, or something, so he came up with an extremely stupid plan.

Mark Meadows decided to invite longtime Cohen friend and Trump appointee Lynne Patton, who is BLACK, to stand behind his chair like a slave or a prop, until being told to sit down, "so they can see my face," she explained to the Washington Post. We had no idea what was going on when Meadows magic-hatted her from out of thin air, all we knew was the woman from "The Help" who pooped in the pie was suddenly glaring at Cohen like he owed her money.

"The woman — sunglasses affixed to her head, white cape draped over her shoulders — was Lynne Patton, longtime Trump family aide and an official at the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. Most important, for the cameras, she is African American. "I asked Lynne to come today in her personal capacity to actually shed some light," Meadows said.

Lynne Patton was the one who thought it would be a good idea to come for April Ryan over some irrelevant shit like her size just to body shame her, and she ended up dragged around the moon and back, so she's probably not going to win Meadows any brownie points with Black America. But honestly, WTF is the point of dragging some random black woman around?

Meadows got to his point: "You made some very demeaning comments about the president that Ms. Patton doesn't agree with. In fact, it has to do with your claim of racism. She says that as a daughter of a man born in Birmingham, Alabama, that there is no way that she would work for an individual who was racist. How do you reconcile the two of those?"

"As neither should I, as the son of a Holocaust survivor," Cohen replied.

Mr. Cohen, we have nothing to add.

I just want to clear something up going forward; Having Black Friends and/or Family Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Racist.

You would have thought Meadows would have STFU and reflected on why it might be problematic to trot out a black woman like a mascot and parade her around as his racism defense shield. Nah. He was still legit mad that an upstanding Birther with black family, and a black friend named Elijah Cummings (SALT OF THE EARTH), and ANOTHER black friend named Lynne, could possibly be told he is wrong on this racism stuff.

Meadows had obviously gone too far, so Democratic women taught him some life lessons.

First up was Brenda Lawrence:

Then Rashida Tlaib took what was left of him and crushed him like a Coke can.

And then Tlaib had to apologize -- er, "clarify" that she wasn't calling a racist a racist, she was calling out a racist act. Because Mark Meadows was legit about to cry.

Look. What it boils down to is that using black people as devices or props or mascots or tokens is not okay. You never see us dragging you around and showing you off to prove how woke we are, and honestly, all that does is show ignorance. There has to come a time when white folks stop acting like they're being emotionally lynched any time a dark person happens to point out their racism and asks them to stop. How will they ever stop doing racist shit if they hide behind black family and white tears instead of working on themselves?

They won't.


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FollowWonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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