Mark Meadows's Black Friend Says Trump Is Black Too

Have you ever really really needed to prove someone isn't racist so bad during a congressional hearing that you were willing to make yourself look like a complete asshole in front of the entire nation? Well, if you ever find yourself with a White Nationalist albatross around your neck, please, for the love of everything, do not do what Republican Mark Meadows did yesterday. What Meadows did was super hella racist, very humiliating, and causes black people to shake our heads until they fall off of our necks. I, know, I know, it's not like the rest of the GOP who were in attendance looked like they even know what an intersection is, BUT, he really took the Caucasity up to a whole nother level. I am comforted by the fact that they managed to leave most of their crazy at El Pollo Loco, and not bring crisis actors into the chamber. Unlike Mark Meadows.

Meadows didn't have a very nice time during testimony at the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday, and really it's all his own fault. Meadows had been riling himself up for HOURS by the time he spilled over with outrage over Cohen writing N/A on some forms and also, for calling Daddy Sugar, aka Trump, a ... I don't know if I should say it … *looks around* a *whispers* racist. Shhh! It's okay, don't panic. Wait. You're not shocked? Well, Meadows sure the fuck was. He was so shaken and victimized by it, I'm pretty sure he will demand reparations and a History month for him and his fellow Mayo-Americans, so they can celebrate their deliverance from the Black Supremacy inherent in someone calling a white man racist.

Yes, Cohen used the "R" word, and told America that Trump is a racist sumbi*ch, which was TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION. Now do you see why Meadows was ANGRY as HELL? Me neither. But that's okay, see, Mark apparently has acquired himself some POC family members, and as we here at Wonkette know, people with EVEN ONE black family member cannot be racist. Unless they happen to be racist. So, Meadows sat fuming and was maybe thinking of his not white family members while he sent Cohen Death Ray Glares from across the room. It was clear that he had something up his sleeve, or he wanted payback, or something, so he came up with an extremely stupid plan.

Mark Meadows decided to invite longtime Cohen friend and Trump appointee Lynne Patton, who is BLACK, to stand behind his chair like a slave or a prop, until being told to sit down, "so they can see my face," she explained to the Washington Post. We had no idea what was going on when Meadows magic-hatted her from out of thin air, all we knew was the woman from "The Help" who pooped in the pie was suddenly glaring at Cohen like he owed her money.

"The woman — sunglasses affixed to her head, white cape draped over her shoulders — was Lynne Patton, longtime Trump family aide and an official at the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. Most important, for the cameras, she is African American. "I asked Lynne to come today in her personal capacity to actually shed some light," Meadows said.

Lynne Patton was the one who thought it would be a good idea to come for April Ryan over some irrelevant shit like her size just to body shame her, and she ended up dragged around the moon and back, so she's probably not going to win Meadows any brownie points with Black America. But honestly, WTF is the point of dragging some random black woman around?

Meadows got to his point: "You made some very demeaning comments about the president that Ms. Patton doesn't agree with. In fact, it has to do with your claim of racism. She says that as a daughter of a man born in Birmingham, Alabama, that there is no way that she would work for an individual who was racist. How do you reconcile the two of those?"

"As neither should I, as the son of a Holocaust survivor," Cohen replied.

Mr. Cohen, we have nothing to add.

I just want to clear something up going forward; Having Black Friends and/or Family Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Racist.

You would have thought Meadows would have STFU and reflected on why it might be problematic to trot out a black woman like a mascot and parade her around as his racism defense shield. Nah. He was still legit mad that an upstanding Birther with black family, and a black friend named Elijah Cummings (SALT OF THE EARTH), and ANOTHER black friend named Lynne, could possibly be told he is wrong on this racism stuff.

Meadows had obviously gone too far, so Democratic women taught him some life lessons.

First up was Brenda Lawrence:

Then Rashida Tlaib took what was left of him and crushed him like a Coke can.

And then Tlaib had to apologize -- er, "clarify" that she wasn't calling a racist a racist, she was calling out a racist act. Because Mark Meadows was legit about to cry.

Look. What it boils down to is that using black people as devices or props or mascots or tokens is not okay. You never see us dragging you around and showing you off to prove how woke we are, and honestly, all that does is show ignorance. There has to come a time when white folks stop acting like they're being emotionally lynched any time a dark person happens to point out their racism and asks them to stop. How will they ever stop doing racist shit if they hide behind black family and white tears instead of working on themselves?

They won't.


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