Mark Sanford Just Can't Stop Doing Stupid Things In Public, Trespassing Edition
Oh, Mark Sanford, your personal life is really an unending delight. There was the disappearance mid-governorship, which gave us a delightful euphemism for sexytime that we can use now and forever more. There was the divorce. There was the soulmate. There were theemails of wooing that we hope never to read again. There was the weird return to the spotlight where he showed up and mashed face with his ex-wife. There was the thoughtful, talked-to-Jesus-about-it decision to run for Congress. And now, glory be, there is the trespassing:
Former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford must appear in court two days after running for a vacant congressional seat to answer a complaint that he trespassed at his ex-wife’s home, according to court documents acquired by The Associated Press on Tuesday.
The complaint says Jenny Sanford confronted Sanford leaving her Sullivans Island home on Feb. 3 by a rear door, using his cell phone for a flashlight. Her attorney filed the complaint the next day and Jenny Sanford confirmed Tuesday the documents are authentic.
Nothing skeevy at all about showing up at the ex's house with your makeshift flashlight in hand. We do that all the time! The stalking charges are TOTALLY worth it because hey, sometimes you gotta break eggs to make an omelet.
Along with being an endless fount of high-profile poorly-thought-out romantic acts, Sanford appears to also be somewhat of a serial offender, ex-wife-wise:
The complaint filed by Jenny Sanford’s lawyer, Deena Smith McRackan, said that Mark Sanford has “entered into a pattern of entering onto plaintiff’s property. Plaintiff has informed defendant on a number of occasions that this behavior is in violation of the court’s order and has demanded that it not occur again.”
In Febuary of 2011, McRackan sent a letter to Mark Sanford telling him not to trespass on Jenny Sanford’s property. A copy of that letter was also sent to the local police, according to court filings...In December of 2011, there was another complaint against Mark Sanford brought by Jenny Sanford saying he had not made the $5,000 yearly contribution for one of their son’s college education. Jenny Sanford said Tuesday that the matter has been resolved but would not comment further.
Pro-tip, dude: if you are trying to restore your credibility following your fairly ridiculous fall from grace, think about the little things. Paying your fucking child support and not breaking into your ex's house seem like kinda bare minimum levels of not-weird behavior. You have a famous last name opponent who is not as ugly as most Demoncrat ladiez, so you are going need to at least obey the law until the election. We'd suggest keeping it in your pants until the election too, but being Wonket, we don't really want to police your sexytime. Just keep it in your pants around us, or on teevee, and you'll probably be fine.
UPDATE: before we even managed to hit "publish" on this masterpiece, Sanford was good enough to give a statement in which he explains that he knows better than his wife if he should be in her house or not:
It's an unfortunate reality that divorced couples sometimes have disagreements that spill over into family court. I did indeed watch the second half of the Super Bowl at the beach house with our 14 year old son because as a father I didn’t think he should watch it alone. Given she was out of town I tried to reach her beforehand to tell her of the situation that had arisen, and met her at the back steps under the light of my cell phone when she returned and told her what had happened.
No son should watch the Super Bowl alone, people. What kind of monster can the ex Mrs. Sanford be???!