Martha McSally: Pobody's Nerfect!

Martha McSally, who specializes in losing Senate races, is desperately trying to hold on to John McCain's old seat, which she received because she was the tenth caller to a radio show. She's currently trailing her Democratic challenger, former astronaut Mark Kelly, in almost every poll not conducted in her kitchen. NBC News reporter Vaughn Hillyard spoke with both candidates this week and although Kelly tried to cloud our minds with carefully considered policy goals, McSally cut to the chase with boilerplate conservative talking points explaining why the sky is falling.

Both candidates wore masks because Arizona is lousy with COVID-19. However, Kelly's mask was a simple black, like he was a common Morrissey. McSally's mask bore the image of the US flag because that's how we know she's a patriot and loves God. The self-described “feisty" McSally probably realizes no one wants to vote for her specifically, so she's made the election about the fate of the Senate and how awful it would be if Democrats were in the majority.

First place, “they" (Democrats, presumably) can't make DC and Puerto Rico states without the consent of those who live there. It's not just a big scam to give Democrats a larger Senate majority so they can pass the Green New Deal. McSally also has no argument for why DC and Puerto Rico shouldn't become states aside from the perceived negative political impact for Republicans if more Black and brown people are represented in the Senate. She's just straight up admitting that the Republican Party is a white identity party that can't compete within a diverse electorate. We all know that's true but you'd think Republicans would at least do us the courtesy of keeping their racist motivations on the down low.

McSally is fighting for her political life in a reliably Republican state that went decades without electing a Democratic senator until Kyrsten Sinema defeated McLoser in 2018. The GOP's problem isn't statehood for DC or Puerto Rico but crap candidates like McSally. But the GOP isn't big on self-reflection and would probably prefer to continue giving second-class status to US citizens rather than actually work for their vote.

The senator (for now) insists she's “committed" to protecting people with pre-existing conditions. She is not. She hasn't even asked Donald Trump not to drop his administration's BS lawsuit against the Affordable Care Act. She wants voters to “trust" her on this issue. They should not.

She also lied some more about Kelly.

MCSALLY: My opponent is trying to pretend he's not a Democrat.

Mark Kelly is married to former Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who is speaking at the Democratic National Convention. He's not hiding shit.

MCSALLY: You want to run as an Independent? Run as an Independent. He's trying to pretend he's not with the radical left agenda that his party is peddling — that is out of step with Arizonans.

This is so boring. McSally tried the same crap against Sinema and failed.

McSally repeated the White House mantra that COVID-19, which has ravaged her state, is a “once-in-a-century" pandemic — the Halley's Comet of infectious disease. That doesn't excuse not preparing for the outbreak or refusing to develop a coordinated national response. She also waved the white flag, threw in the towel, whatever Quitter McQuitter expression you want to lose.

MCSALLY: This is not goin' away any time soon.

That's some real nice folksy bullshit.

MCSALLY: We're all doing the best we can.

Lady, at least 4,206 Arizonians have died so far from COVID-19.

Hillyard asked McSally outright if the Trump administration “made a misstep."

MCSALLY: Of course they did! Just like everybody does. When we go into combat, everybody isn't perfect.

Trump is gonna love this, since he's fundamentally incapable of accepting responsibility for anything. If "Pobody's Nerfect" is McSally's sole argument to voters who are sick or lost loved ones during this pandemic, she should prepare herself for the private sector.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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