Martha McSally Unveils New ‘Skip A Few Meals For My Losing Campaign’ Diet

2020 Congressional Elections

The polls out of Arizona don't look good for professional Senate race loser Martha McSally. The Republican incumbent is down five points or more against Democratic challenger and cool-ass astronaut Mark Kelly. She's even performing worse in polls than Donald Trump against Joe Biden, which means that voters dumb enough to support Trump are still rejecting her.

Not surprisingly, McSally's fundraising is lagging. Donating to her campaign is like putting gas in a car that's been totaled. Call it a loss and move on. But she's out there trying to close like Jack Lemmon at his lowest in Glengarry Glen Ross. CBS 5 obtained audio of McSally's recent "Save the Marthas" event.

MCSALLY: There's an air war going on on television right now, right, you see it. And look, we're being outgunned in the air, OK? We're doing our part to catch up, you know, to get our message out.

Girlfriend has no “message" aside from “Trump's ass tastes like shame and regret." She's tried to paint Kelly as a socialist who's going to help Biden and his Black Lives Matter brigade burn down America, but no one's buying it. Now she's so desperate for cash she'd do anything, no sacrifice is too great ... on your part, that is. She's willing to take the food right out of your mouth.


McSally asks supporters to 'fast a meal' so they can donate to her campaign www.youtube.com

MCSALLY: But it takes resources [to get out her crap, race-baiting message]. So, anybody can give, I'm not ashamed to ask, to invest.

McSally doesn't understand how investments work. Investing heavily in Apple before the iPhone was released would result in your early retirement. Investing your life savings in Cisco or Pets.com before the dot.com bubble burst would result in bankruptcy, scandal, and prison. McSally's campaign is headed in the direction of Kozmo.com, and it's repulsive to ask people to “invest" in a failing enterprise.

MCSALLY: If you can give a dollar, five dollars, if you can fast a meal and give what that would be.

Sweet Christ, she sounds like Al Bundy pitching his 555-SHOE hotline: “Kids, you don't even need your parents' permission."

There is no good reason that we fund elections the way we do. There's something very Les Mis about a woman having to sell her front teeth so she can help put someone in office who pinky swears not to take away her health care. Of course, McSally is a Republican. She doesn't just want to build a wall around prosperity. She expects poor people to pay for it.

NBC News Exit Polls 2018

In 2018, McSally won voters with incomes of $100,000 a year and greater. She narrowly won (by a percentage point) voters with incomes of $50,000 a year or more. Times have been tough lately, but generally speaking, most of her electorate wouldn't need to give up a meal or even their daily cup of coffee to keep her campaign chugging along toward its Election Day iceberg.

McSally lost voters earning $50,000 a year or less by almost 30 points. That's probably because Sinema ran on a “Don't Starve For Me, Arizona" platform.

From AzFamily.com:

In a statement, a spokeswoman for the campaign said in part, "This is a dumb non-story about a candidate making a joke on the stump."

Hard-de-har-har. She might want to drop the “fasting" number from her standup routine when Arizona's unemployment rate is 10.6 percent. Unemployment in Arizona even grew last month while slightly declining in the rest of the nation.

McSally admittedly isn't rich. She can't self-finance her campaign. She has only one home that she's borrowed heavily against, but does she have cable and a working AC? Conservatives normally knock people on public assistance who boast such luxuries. She still has both kidneys.

If McSally wants people to help Kickstart her campaign, she should offer exclusive Zoom invites to watch her cry as the election returns come in. I know I'd consider it.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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