Donate

Good morning! Adam Schiff is apparently not aware that it is the crack of dawn in all the Americas where Washington DC is not currently located, so this is starting at 9 AM Eastern instead of 10 AM Eastern, which would be much more reasonable. Do you want people to turn the TV on and just happen to see this, because it's on all the channels? WELL, IT WOULD HELP IF THEY WERE AWAKE.

Anyway, it's almost time for the testimony of Marie "Masha" Yovanovitch, the former ambassador to Ukraine fired after a smear campaign from Rudy Giuliani, because she was standing in the way of the corruption and crime Trump and pals wanted to foist upon Ukraine. Thus, today is the first hearing where we will be hearing from a victim of Trump's crimes.

In the transcript of Trump's treason call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, Trump ominously said of Yovanovitch that "she's going to go through some things." She testified that she felt threatened by that statement from Trump, because of how it's fucking creepy.

Today, Donald Trump will "go through some things," because he gets to watch Yovanovitch testify in his impeachment investigation.

Let's liveblog this shit.


Watch live | Day 2 of public Trump impeachment hearings: Marie Yovanovitch testifies www.youtube.com

9:07: I Have Arrived To Fuck Up Donald Trump.

9:08: Adam Schiff begins by recounting some of Yovanovitch's story. Her parents fled Stalin and Hitler, she's been in the foreign service for 33 years, she's "known as an anti-corruption champion," and for all these reasons Donald Trump views her as a threat, because she's better and more American than he is.

9:10: Schiff quotes George Kent from Wednesday, who said "you can't promote principled anti-corruption action without pissing off corrupt people." Yovanovitch pissed off corrupt people, both corrupt Ukrainian officials like former prosecutor general Yuriy Lutsenko, and also Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani and his Chucklefucks Lev and Igor.

Schiff also goes ahead and notes that we're going to hear a lot from Republicans that Trump is allowed to remove any ambassador for any reason, or no reason. That is true. But, just like when he fired James Comey, presidents can fire people for corrupt purposes, like as part of the commission of a crime. That's what happening right now.

9:14: DEVIN NUNES OPENING STATEMENT! He is mad we are doing impeachment, he is mad we don't have time to do Trump's new NAFTA, he is mad that people don't like his daddy Donald Trump, he hasn't said anything about Marie Yovanovitch, because he doesn't have anything to say about her.

Look, Devin, moo cow!

Giphy

9:17: Devin is mad because "hearsay," Devin is mad Republicans aren't allowed to out whistleblower and threaten whistleblower like a common Donald Trump, Devin is mad when cows have cow galas and he is not invited, Devin drives down the highway and sees cows and thinks about suing them, allegedly for those last two things.

Oh yes, and he just said his line about Democrats wanting naked pictures of Trump again LOLOLOLOLOL.

9:19: Devin is just repeating his conspiracy theories from his opening statement the other day. ALEXANDRA CHALUPA! HILLARY CLINTON! UKRAINE REAL COLLUSION! STEELE DOSSIER! RUSSIA HOAX! UKRAINE ELECTION MEDDLER! HUNTER BIDEN! JOE BIDEN!

DEVIN HAVE THREE QUESTIONS! SAME QUESTIONS AS WEDNESDAY!

1. DEMOCRATS COLLUSION WHISTLEBLOWER?

2. UKRAINE STEAL ELECTION FOR TRUMP?

3. HELLO, COWS, ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ROMANCE, OR JUST FRIENDS? OH NO, FRIEND-ZONED BY COWS AGAIN!

OK, the third one might be a joke.

9:23: Hahahahaha, Devin Nunes is reading the memo of the FIRST CALL Trump had with Zelenskiy, where Trump didn't extort or bribe Zelenskiy even a little bit! Because as we all know, if you don't rob a bank the first time you visit, you are automatically not guilty of anything you might do to that bank in the future.

9:26: Oh good, Elise Stefanik, the Louie Gohmert of the House Intel Committee, is doing "point of order" to bellyache about how Republicans weren't allowed to try to out the whistleblower in the closed-door depositions.

Anyway, Trump's FIRST Ukraine call wasn't bad, you guys. READ THE TRASNCTIPTT!!!! NO, NOT THE OLD TRANSCIP56!!!@1 THE NEW TRASNCTIPT!!!11

Put that shit on a T-shirt.

9:28: Schiff responds to Devin reading the new transcript of the original Trump-Zelenskiy call by saying cool, now Trump should release allllllll the other records he's been hiding inside his bootiehole. Fair?

9:30: Yovanovitch opening statement!

9:31: "My parents didn't have the good fortune to come of age in a free society." Like we said, they fled Stalin and Hitler.

9:34: Yeesh. Yovanovitch has served in Somalia, Uzbekistan and Russia, and it sounds like she's been shot at in all three. Somebody look up what President Pussgrab was doing when Yovanovitch was doing those things LOLOLOL.

9:36: Yovanovitch points out something important, that the legacy of corruption in Ukraine is a Soviet legacy. When Republicans bitch and moan about Ukraine being one of the "most corrupt countries in the world," it has to do with its history, and also continuing Russian influence. Russia brings the corruption. And apparently now Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani also bring it in from the West.

9:38: Ukrainians who "played by the old [corrupt] rules" sought to remove her. But it "amazes" her that they found Americans willing to partner with them in Russian-style corruption. She's lookin' at hot garbage like Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump and the Chucklefucks right now.

9:40: Yovanovitch would like the Republicans to know that some things happened before her tenure in Ukraine, so fuck off with your questions about them. For instance, the release of the Black Ledger in Ukraine, which exposed Paul Manafort's weird payments from pro-Russia Ukrainians.

Says straight up that the rumors spread by former prosecutor general Yuriy Lutsenko that she had a "do not prosecute" list to protect certain people is false. Notes that Lutsenko -- Rudy Giuliani's pal -- has now admitted that he made that up.

Says rumors that she has told embassy people to ignore Trump orders because he's going to be impeached are also bullshit.

Says rumors of her participation in imaginary conspiracy theories about Ukraine meddling to help Hillary Clinton are also bullshit.

She's never met Hunter Biden.

And then tells the story of how she was fired for zero reason, and that it's been affirmed that she served "capably and admirably."

9:49: Yovanovitch expresses how worried she is by how the State Department is being undermined and hollowed out these days, and in the process takes a giant shit on Mike Pompeo without saying his name. Reminds people of who the diplomatic corps is, going all the way back to the Iranian hostage crisis.

Sidenote: We watched Argo last week. Good movie. Watched Babe: Pig In The City last night. ALSO GOOD MOVIE and if you are like "what?" then you obviously have not seen it.

9:51: And now we move to questioning, time for Schiff and the sexxxxy lawyer and then Devin Nunes and the dingbat lawyer.

9:53: SCHIFF: Do you agree that if you fight corruption, you piss off corrupt people?

YOVANOVITCH: Yep.

SCHIFF: Did you piss off corrupt former prosecutor Yuriy Lutsenko, who is Rudy's bud?

YOVANOVITCH: Yep.

SCHIFF: Did you piss off corrupt former prosecutor Viktor Shokin?

YOVANOVITCH: Yep.

SCHIFF: Did you piss off corrupt people in America, like Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump's misshapen son, who led a smear campaign against you on Fox News?

YOVANOVITCH: Yep.

Corrupt people hate people like Marie Yovanovitch.

Programming note -- we cannot type "Yovanovitch" every time because of it is 11 letters and we are liveblogging, so we are just going to say "AMB." which is short for "ambassador," because her title is "ambassador."

9:58: Yovanovitch also pronounces Kyiv like "Keev," so never again shall you ever say "Keeeeee-ehv," like some sort of Philistine who can't even say "Keev." Anyway, Dan Goldman has taken over.

10:00: In April, before she was called back, Yovanovitch was doing an anti-corruption event in honor of a Ukrainian woman who was an anti-corruption activist, a "woman of courage," who was brutally murdered by acid. Later that night, at 1:00 AM, Yovanovitch was told to get on the next plane.

10:02: On the phone call when Yovanovitch was called back, she actually asked if this had to do with Rudy Giuliani smelling his own farts on Fox News like "AMBASSADOR BAD!"

10:05: Did Yovanovitch get any REASON why Trump had "lost confidence in her"? No. Did she get a sense that the State Department had lost confidence in her? Nope.

10:08: Even as she was getting fired, Yovanovitch was worried about how her firing would be perceived by Ukraine, by the State Department, because it was very public what Rudy Giuliani was doing to smear her. If you can run a corrupt smear campaign to fire a good ambassador, what message does that send? She expressed this to the deputy secretary of state.

10:10: GOLDMAN: Have you ever heard of an ambassador being removed for no reason, based on allegations the State Department itself knew were bullshit?

AMB.: Nope!

GOLDMAN: How did you feel seeing your name in Trump's treason crime transcript of his Ukraine call?

AMB.: Shocked. Devastated. A person who saw her reading the transcript said they saw the color drain from her face. Even now, words fail her.

10:13: Uh oh, Dan Goldman READ THE TRASNCRIPTPTT5R!! again. But Donald Trump replaced it with a new transcript that was better, UNFAIR!

10:15: Goldman shows the part of the call where Trump talks about the ACTUAL corrupt prosecutor Yuriy Lutsenko, and proceeds to bitch about how the corrupt guy is good and has been treated unfairly and up is down and the pope doesn't even shit in the woods:

GOLDMAN: Was that prosecutor "very good"?

AMB.: Corrupt as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

10:18: Goldman now questioning Yovanovitch about John Solomon's rancid beef fart conspiracy theories about her, which were published in The Hill, based on lies from the corrupt prosecutor Lutsenko, and then pushed as fact on Fox News.

10:20: By the way, we don't watch Trash TV so we had never seen John Solomon until recently. For a president who likes to surround himself with people who look like they came out of "central casting," Trump sure does have a lot of friends and firstborn sons who look like what might happen if you asked a cat to draw a picture of a person and the cat decided to intentionally draw really mean and bad pictures, because, you know, cats.

10:24: GOLDMAN: You've been in the foreign service for 33 years. You've been appointed ambassador by three presidents. And the State Department wouldn't issue a statement of support for you because they were ... scared of a Donald Trump tweet?

AMB.: Yep.

10:26: Schiff references a Trump tweet from A FEW MINUTES AGO:

What a little garbage baby troll.

Schiff gave Yovanovitch a chance to respond in real time, which she did, and Schiff noted that "some of us" in Congress take witness intimidation very seriously.

10:29: Goldman shows the part of the READ TEH TTRRASPT! where Trump says "I would like you to do us a favor though" and starts demanding fake investigations, asks Yovanovitch how Ukrainian president would interpret that.

AMB.: President of Ukraine has to make sure relationship with US is "rock solid."

GOLDMAN: Have you heard Devin Nunes's jackhole weirdass conspiracy theories about Ukraine interfering in the 2016 election?

AMB.: Sort of, it's all very bizarre.

GOLDMAN: Who attacked the 2016 election?

AMB.: Russia.

GOLDMAN: Lemme show you Vladimir Putin doing a press conference with Viktor Orban of Hungary, where Putin started this rumor about Ukraine interfering in the 2016 election, which is the same Russian propaganda Devin Nunes and the Republican lawyer are about to shoot out of their cow hole. Why would Putin make a lie like that?

AMB.: To throw people off the scent, duh.

Look at the transcript. The PUTIN transcript:

Good lord, he even references "certain oligarchs," just like Trump said on his treason call that one of Ukraine's wealthy people HAS TEH SERVER BURIED IN HIS BACKYARD or whatever.

Trump is literally spouting Russian propaganda to the Ukrainian president. For God's sake.

Now, a whole conversation happening about how Trump is literally full of shit on Joe Biden's activities in Ukraine and investigating Joe Biden is definitely not part of foreign policy in Ukraine, or the anti-corruption platform she pursued.

10:36: Oof, that was HOOOOOOLY SHIT, you guys.

10:43: So, while we are on break, let's recap. Yovanovitch is an INCREDIBLY sympathetic and impressive witness, and an inspiration.

Meanwhile, Trump committed witness intimidation in real time, after Yovanovitch testified that Trump had intimidated her, thus adding an article of impeachment in real time.

And then Goldman showed that Trump basically copy/pasted his treason call with Zelenskiy from Vladimir Putin.

Holy SHIT.

11:13: We are stil on break for a few minutes longer (they have votes), so two things:

1. Apparently GOP Rep. Lee Zeldin, a piece of shit, just did a HOLYSHITPIECEOFSHIT interview on the TV, and Liz saw it, and he is mad at DEMOCRATS for trying to UPSET MARIE YOVANOVITCH. Yes, the same ambassador his president forcibly ended the 33-year career of to make it easier for him to commit crimes in Ukraine. Therefore Liz will be writing you a post in the next few days on Ode To Lee Zelding Going Somewhere To Fuck Himself.

2. If you'd like to read another Wonkette post while you are waiting, we just published Deval Patrick Had A Very Bad Week Yesterday.

Then come right back!

11:42: Can we just say the timing of this break is HILARIOUS? Yovanovitch gives opening statement, Schiff questions, Dan Goldman questions, TRUMP COMMITS ACTUAL CRIME IN REAL TIME, and then an hour break for votes ... and Republicans haven't been allowed to say DICK.

Two things:

1. Have fun coming back from break, bad-at-job GOP lawyer Steve Castor!

2. Let's take bets that Elise Stefanik, the Louie Gohmert of the House Intelligence Committee, does point of order after the break accusing Schiff of colluding with Nancy Pelosi on "schedules" just to make Republicans look like idiots.

11:52: Hey you guys by the way guess what ROGER STONE GUILTY ON SEVEN COUNTS LOLOOLOLOL GO TO JAIL LOSER.

12:17: ALMOST BACK! COME BACK!

12:22: And we are back! Time for Devin Nunes and GOP lawyer Steve Castor to do a BAD JOB!

12:23: Devin Nunes just congratulated Yovanovitch for "graduating" from the "secret deposition room," but notes that they are doing Secret Room again this afternoon, SECRETS!!!!!1!!

Now wants to talk about Chuck Grassley, who is a fucking clown.

12:24: Devin's questions for Yovanovitch are "were you present for anything you were not present for?" She says she was not. Devin Nunes should go have a milkshake with a cow, that's what we think, that sounds like a nice thing for Devin to do with a cow, maybe they should watch a nice cow movie afterward.

Devin Nunes yields to Elise Stefanik, which is actually not allowed under the rules during this time. Elise Stefanik continues yelling I AM A CONGRESS, I GET TO TALK! Schiff says eat my balls as a salad topping.

Truly she is the Louie Gohmert of the House Intel Committee.

FINALLY, we get to dippy Steve Castor.

12:27: CASTOR: DID YEW KNOW YOU SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PREZNIT?

AMB.: "I stated that clearly in my statement." You fucking idiot.

12:29: CASTOR, REPEATING DEVIN'S DUMB FUCKING QUESTION: Were you present for things you were not present for?

AMB.: I was clearly not.

CASTOR: Have you ever heard of things you've never heard of before?

AMB.: Can't say that I have!

CASTOR: I REST MY CASE YOUR HONOR!!11!!!

12:31: CASTOR: Do you believe Trump was trying to weaponize corruption? Was your removal part of some scheme to help corrupt Ukrainians be corrupt?

AMB.: Looks like that's what the corrupt Ukrainians wanted! Also they worked on that with RUDY GIULIANI'S INDICTED FRIENDS.

CASTOR: Is Bill Taylor a good person?

AMB.: Yes.

CASTOR: I am helping the Democrats right now.

AMB.: You are.

12:35: CASTOR: Do you think Lev and Igor wanted you removed because you would stymie their corrupt interests?

AMB.: Refer to my entire career as an anti-corruption fighter. They were trying to set up a corrupt natural gas company and they were trying to go around my role as ambassador because, you know, I don't likey the corruption?

CASTOR: Why were Lev and Igor so FRUSTRATED?

AMB.: Who said they were "frustrated"?

12:37: CASTOR: Why didn't you ask the crimey prosecutor general Lutsenko why he was being crimey?

AMB.: Pointless.

CASTOR: Why you hate crimey prosecutor general so much!

ALL DEMOCRATIC CONGRESSMEN IN THEIR BRAINS RIGHT NOW: This is going well for us.

12:40: Castor not only acknowledges that there was a "concerted campaign" against Yovanovitch, but also just pronounced "Kyiv" like "KEEV," which means he has gone to the dark side.

WHAT NEXT, STEVE CASTOR, GONNA SAY SOMETHING ABOUT "PAH-KEE-STAHN" LIKE A COMMON OBAMA?

12:44: CASTOR: Would you agree Ukraine is corrupt and bad?

AMB.: All former Soviet satellites have this issue. It's a "post-Soviet legacy." We were trying to fight and fix that!

CASTOR: So you're saying corruption is ... bad.

AMB.: Yes.

CASTOR: Are oligarchs bad in Ukraine?

AMB.: Well sure!

CASTOR: BURISMA BIDEN BURISMA BIDEN BURISMA BIDEN!!1!!!1!!!!1!!!

Castor is "cleverly" rounding the bend to say JOE BIDEN IS THE CORRUPTIONS!!!! Did we mention it is "clever"? You can tell it is "clever" by how you can see it coming a mile away.

12:47: Yovanovitch is like LET'S REVIEW. People had high hopes for Lutsenko the corrupt prosecutor, because they were hoping he would not be corrupt. Then he decided to be corrupt. In other words, the opposite of the story Trump and Rudy Giuliani have been telling.

12:51: Castor really wants to find SOMETHING about how Yovanovitch has some kind of knowledge about Hunter Biden and ... she doesn't.

CASTOR: Did you know that Donald Trump has a conspiracy theory inside his taint about how Ukraine is out to get him?

AMB.: Well I know that now.

CASTOR: Did you know Ukraine was doing THE REAL COLLUSION against candidate Trump?

AMB.: No, because it wasn't happening.

CASTOR: Did you know DEVIN NUNES DUMBSTUPID CONPSIRACY THEORIES ABOUT UKRAINE?

AMB.: I mean, I really didn't have time to huff that particular paint when I was on post.

CASTOR: So you didn't investigate Devin's methane farts?!?!?

AMB.: No, I was doing regular ambassador work.

12:54: CASTOR: Are you BFFs with Alexandra Chalupa, who is the star of Devin Nunes's conspiracy theories?

AMB.: Nope.

CASTOR: Did you do the Black Ledger to Paul Manafort as part of a witch hunt?

AMB.: Well I noticed that, because I was about to become the ambassador, so it was pretty interesting that Trump's campaign chair Paul Manafort was on the take from pro-Russian oligarchs in Ukraine. THAT SAID, I was more interested in ERRBODY ELSE in the Black Ledger, you know, all the corrupt Ukrainians. To be clear, I my job was ambassador to Ukraine.

CASTOR: IPSO FACTO WITCH HUNT!

AMB.: I mean, Paul Manafort was convicted of crimes in American courts.

CASTOR: Some people say the Ukrainian journalist who posted the Black Ledger stuff doctored the information! MANAFORT WUZ FRAMED!

AMB.: Sorry, I haven't smelled that particular Devin Nunes fart.

12:59: CASTOR: Did you know a Ukrainian was mean to Trump on Facebook?

AMB.: I know because you asked the same question Wednesday, because you are copy/pasting your entire questioning from Wednesday.

CASTOR: He said some really mean things about Trump on Facebook!

AMB.: "Sometimes that happens on social media."

She even got Castor to laugh with that one.

Yovanovitch adds that mean Facebook posts to not equate to a Ukrainian government plot to hurt Trump, and that the US intelligence community has determined conclusively that RUSSIA ATTACKED THE ELECTION, YOU JACKHOLE.

1:05: CASTOR: Are the Javelin missiles important?

AMB.: Yes.

CASTOR: NOBAMA DIDN'T GIVE A JAVELIN!

AMB.: We were glad Trump did, but they're not that effective when Trump uses them for extortion campaigns, TBQH.

1:07: CASTOR: My time is over and I have accomplished nothing.

ADAM SCHIFF: Moving on!

1:09: UR TURN, ADAM SCHIFF, I AM DONE DOING A BAD JOB.

1:10: SCHIFF: It helped Trump and Giuliani do their crimes, putting in a political donor idiot to do Ukraine foreign policy, yeah? I am talking about Gordon Sondland!

AMB.: Yep!

SCHIFF: The GOP idiots love to say Ukraine got the aid eventually, therefore Trump is innocent. They only got the aid because Trump got caught, right?

AMB.: From what I can tell!

1:13: NUNES: I yield to Captain Dipshit, of the Stefanik Dipshits.

STEFANIK: DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR DID YOU KNOW AMBASSADOR SERVE AT PLEASURE OF PRESIDNET?

AMB.: Said that nine times today.

1:15: STEFANIK: YOU SAID CORRUPTION BAD, YOU STILL SAY THAT?

AMB.: Yes.

STEFANIK: BURISSSSSSSSSMA-RISMA-BO-BISMA-BANANA-FANA-FO-FISMA-MEE-MI-MOH-MISMA.

AMB.: Burisma?

1:18: So ... interesting that Devin didn't yield to Jim Jordan just then. Have they decided Elise Stefanik is the new Louie Gohmert of Jim Jordaning?

1:22: JIM HIMES: If you had stayed as ambassador, would you have told Trump to crime by demanding investigations into Biden and fake Ukrainian 2016 election inteference?

AMB.: LOL we have established that Russia did that.

HIMES: Would you have told Trump to bribe him with the military aid?

AMB.: LOL nope.

1:24: Literally every Republican is verifying that Yovanovitch now has a fellowship at Georgetown, as if they are saying YOU GOT A GOOD JOB, WHY YEW BITCHIN' ABOUT TRUMP ENDING YOUR DIPLOMATIC CAREER SO HE COULD COMMIT CRIMES?

1:26: MIKE CONAWAY: ARE THEY MEAN TO YEW AT THE LUNCH COUNTER AT THE STATE DEPARTMENT NOW BECAUSE TRUMP FIRED YOU?

AMB.: No, everybody is appalled by what happened to me.

This is the dumbest fucking line of questioning ever.

1:28: Conaway yielded his time to Jim Jordan, at which point Mike Turner did one million unanimous consent requests to enter articles about the whistleblower into the record, which took so long Jim Jordan did not get to talk.

WHY ARE THEY SILENCING OUR JIMBERLY JORDAN?????

1:31: Terri Sewell asking nice questions about how this has affected Yovanovitch personally, and how it affected her family, and Yovanovitch really didn't want to get into that, THERE GO THE OGRE DEMOCRATS AGAIN, MAKING POOR MARIE YOVANOVITCH CRY, WHAT OGRES THE DEMOCRATS ARE.

1:35: Dunno what his point is here, but GOP Rep. Mike Turner seems to be interrogating Yovanovitch about how awesome she is and how big her resume is.

IT'S NOT A CONFIRMATION HEARING, MIKE.

LOL just kidding, he is trying to round the bend to an argument that it's TOTALLY NORMAL for Gordon Sondland, the EU ambassador, to be sticking his dick in Ukraine.

This led to A Moment, where Turner would not let Yovanovitch finish, because she was threatening to undermine his dumbshit yelling. Schiff let her answer, and she asserted that it's WEIRD for Gordon Sondland the EU ambassador, to be sticking his dick in Ukraine and LEADING UKRAINE POLICY.

1:39: Mike Turner, as his time is expiring, concludes by yelling that because real diplomats and others have done work in Ukraine, IT'S TOTALLY GODDAMN NORMAL FOR TRUMP TO GET RUDY GIULIANI TO DO CRIME IN UKRAINE FOR HIM, DAMMIT!

1:45: You guys, this hearing has turned into Dems just going "you're awesome" and Republicans going "you're awesome, LEMME THROW YOU SOME WEIRD BULLSHIT." So they agree she's awesome.

Also TRUMP gave Ukraine the Javelin missiles, NOBUMMER didn't. (And then used them as part of bribe extortion crimes.)

1:47: GOP Rep. BRAD WENSTRUP: Presidents get to set their own policies, right?

AMB.: Yes.

WENSTRUP: So how can you possibly say Trump can't decide his policy is CRIMETIME?

1:51: JACKIE SPEIER: Now that all these press reports have come out and Rudy's/Trump's pals Lev and Igor have been indicted, does the unlawful smear campaign against you make more sense?

AMB.: Well kinda yeah.

1:54: SPEIER: You have endured an orchestrated character assassination campaign, and it is laced with illegal contributions to the president.

Damn, Speier. Cut through the bullshit, whydoncha.

1:56: Dumb raging dildo-witted GOP Rep. Chris Stewart asked Yovanovitch if she has any info about Trump accepting bribes, she said she does not, and he used that to springboard into why he thinks support for impeachment will go DOWN after these hearings.

Chris Stewart tryin' to take your dipshit crown, Elise Stefanik, GIT 'IM.

1:59: Chris Stewart just yielded the remainder of his time to Jim Jordan, at which point MIKE TURNER INTERRUPTED WITH UNANIMOUS CONSENTS AND RAN OUT THE CLOCK AGAIN, WHY ARE THEY SILENCING JIMBERLY JORDAN?

2:02: MIKE QUIGLEY: You ended up at Georgetown, it's like a Hallmark movie! You wanted to be ambassador of Ukraine and NOT get targeted with a smear campaign and NOT get fired for no reason, though, right?

AMB.: Correct.

QUIGLEY: No tea no shade at Georgetown, obviously.

AMB.: No tea no shade.

2:05: HAHAHAHAHAHA Elise Stefanik has no questions, she is just going to read shit Adam Schiff said about whistleblower. They are sooooooooooo obsessed with outing this whistleblower who doesn't even matter anymore.

What a goddamned clown, what's the over under on Elise Stefanik suing an imaginary cow before this is over?

2:08: Oh good, Jim Jordan gets to talk now! He says nobody is allowed to read any of the transcripts, because we guess a few of them aren't out yet (???)

Jordan says the smear campaign against Yovanovitch was not a "sinister scheme," because Trump replaced her with Bill Taylor, who is also against the scheme?

"If that's the plan, not the best plan ever put together." Or something.

Two things about that:

1. We're talking about Trump and Giuliani. They are not very smart criminals.

2. Actually Trump hasn't nominated a new ambassador to Ukraine. Bill Taylor is just the acting that was left after Trump fired Yovanovitch for no reason.

2:12: In response to Louie Gohmert we mean Elise Stefanik reading whistleblower shit into the record, Eric Swalwell read a bunch of Trump's threats toward the whistleblower into the record. You know, just for the record.

2:14: SWALWELL: Does supposed "anti-corruption" crusader Trump ever say "corruption" in his crime call wtih Ukraine?

AMB.: Nope.

SWALWELL: Does it count that Trump released the aid to Ukraine after he got caught by the Congress and the whistleblower complaint was coming out?

AMB.: That would be the timeline!

2:16: GOP Rep. WILL HURD: God, you're incredible. If you were my ambassador, I would be your fledgling democracy.

2:23: JOAQUIN CASTRO: If Trump ordered you to investigate Joe Biden, would you do it?

AMB.: Ummmm, knowing what I know now, no. Also there are normal channels for proper investigations.

CASTRO: So this is weird, right?

AMB.: Super weird.

2:25: Even dumb fucking moron John Ratcliffe started out with a compliment! The GOP does not know how to handle this witness.

2:27: RATCLIFFE: When you became ambassador, did the State Department spend a lot of time telling you about Rudy Giuliani's wet fart imaginations about Hunter Biden?

AMB.: Amazingly, no.

2:29: RATCLIFFE: Don't you think it's BAD that Joe Biden told the Ukrainian president to fire the bad prosecutor, considering how Hunter Biden was on the board of Burisma?

AMB.: Well no. Joe Biden was supporting American, indeed, all Western policy, and there was really no tie between why they wanted him fired and the Burisma case.

RATCLIFFE: Why will you not swim in Rudy Giuliani's wet farts with me, ambassador?

2:35: Denny Heck just gave a BARNBURNER of a speech about Trump shitting on American heroes and public servants, and then talked with Yovanovitch about what this all means for Ukraine. It was pretty cool, our lunch just arrived, if you want to know more about it, FIND IT ON INTERNET, YOU BUTTHOLE.

2:44: While we are on quick break, here is new Wonkette climate change post about what is happening in Venice!

2:49: It is back, and it is JIM JORDAN CRAZAY TIME!

JORDAN: Should ambassadors try to influence elections?

AMB.: No.

JORDAN: AMBASSADOR FROM UKRAINE GOT MAD AT TRUMP AND SAID A MEAN ABOUT HIM! I'M ANNNNNNGRY! IF YOU'RE GETTING MOLESTED BY THE TEAM DOCTOR RIGHT NOW I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I'M ANNNNNNNNGRY!

2:51: Jim Jordan's thesis is that a bunch of people in Ukraine didn't like Trump, and Yovanovitch didn't tell them to stop, therefore UKRAINE IS THE REAL COLLUSION!

Newsflash for Jim: People in all countries, including ours, hate Trump. They even say it out loud. They are not actually meddling in our election.

2:53: If you are an American who was dissuaded from voting for Trump because a Ukrainian said something mean on Facebook, please fill out a comment card.

2:54: Jim finishes long rant about Ukrainians being mean and asks Yovanovitch DON'T YOU AGREE Trump was right to commit crimes against Ukraine, or something. Yovanovitch was like "wait, what was the question?"

Jordan's time was expired, but he was allowed to ask again. So he tried to ask three minutes of question again, and Adam Schiff was like fuuuuuuck you.

Yovanovitch did clarify that some Ukrainians being mean to Trump on internet does not actually equate to the Ukrainian government meddling in the American election.

Jim Jordan, huffy, replied "I DIDN'T SAY THAT!"

So, in summary, Jim Jordan just agreed the Ukrainian collusion bullshit is bullshit.

3:04: Sean Patrick Maloney having extremely meaningful discourse with Yovanovitch about the anti-corruption activist she was honoring, who was attacked with acid as a warning to other anti-corruption activists, right before she got the call to come back to America immediately, because Trump was firing her so he could commit extortion and bribery and election stealing on Ukraine's back.

3:06: While you are all sitting here, before this INCREDIBLE hearing ends, we gotta hit you up for money. Many of you say the NICEST things on the internet about how these liveblogs help you get through stuff, and we love you for saying that. Remember that Wonkette is only here because of reader donations, so like it says below, if you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY if you are able.

Thank you we love you.

Anyway, Val Demings reading Mick Mulvaney's confession again.

DEMINGS: Is it BAD or is it GET OVER IT for there to be political influence in foreign policy?

AMB.: It is bad.

DEMINGS: Is it BAD or is it GET OVER IT for State to refuse to support a respected ambassador, because they're scared of a Trump tweet?

AMB.: It is bad. Morale at State is very low.

3:10: Pretty sure all the Republicans have run away to cuddle wtih Jim Jordan in his crib. Raja Krishmoorthi questioning. He usually gets interested and good info out of people. He is focused on the REASON why we fund Ukraine, to fight back Russia. Yovanovitch calls suspending aid "extremely short-sighted."

Krishnamoorthi notes that there was a whole month after Yovanovitch was fired and before Bill Taylor started, where there was no ambassador. During that time was when Trump's Crime Boys went to Ukraine and took over Ukraine policy.

Yovanovitch agrees that that was the perfect opportunity.

Told y'all Krishnamoorthi extracts interesting info.

3:14: Krishnamoorthi also notes the Wall Street Journal from today, which reported that the feds are looking to see whether Rudy Giuliani might have stood to profit from the gas deal Lev and Igor were pushing in Ukraine. Yovanovitch found that V. INTERESTING! and agreed that they probably need to talk to Rudy!

She also, like Bill Taylor, cannot rule out that Trump is pulling this drug deal in other places.

KRISHNAMOORTHI: Is it a feature of authoritarians to let corruption hijack foreign policy? To claim absolute authority? To smear their opponents?

YOVANOVITCH: Yep yep yep!

3:16: And that is the end!

Devin closes by saying he has to go to the basement to hide, because that is where this afternoon's deposition is, in the basement in the secret hiding room. He says this has been VERY EMBARRASSING and he is sorry to America for forcing us to listen to this badass woman who was a victim of Trump's crimes.

Adam Schiff is closing by saying completely normal things, taking the non-Devin approach.

3:22: Wow. Schiff ends with an impassioned speech about what was done to Marie Yovanovitch, saying the corruption is in plain sight, and adjourns. Some Republican starts bellyaching because Adam Schiff said BESMIRCH STATEMENTS about them, but it got drowned out by everybody giving Marie Yovanovitch a standing ovation while Republicans sat there with their thumbs up their asses.

That's right, we said standing ovation.

That's a wrap, folks. ROGER STONE GUILTY, Y'ALL. Liz just published a thing on that!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc