Sit and spin, fellas


Have we mentioned lately how much we are enjoying the heck out of Legislative Badass of 2015 And For All Time Harry Reid giving the ol' Grand Old Party some righteous what for? Hmm, not since Wednesday, so it seems we are overdue. What did dear Harry do this time? Oh, he just busted out some elegant, expert trolling of the Republican presidential candidates, as he is wont to do to Republicans who run for president. (See, for example, Mitt Romney's taxes. OH WAIT, YOU CAN'T.)

Troll 'em:

Ted Cruz. I don't like a lot of the things that he stands for. In fact, most everything he stands for. But I have some degree of respect for him because he believes in something. He has a set of values. I know I don't agree with his values, but he speaks what he believes is the right thing for the country. And I appreciate someone that does that. I think he's really hurt the country, being the person that closed the federal government for 17 days. But at least he set out doing what he said he would do.

That is some fan-fricking-tastic backhanded complimenting there, Sen. Reid! Sure, Ted Cruz is a terrible person who shut down the government and is bad for America, but at least he's really devoted to that cause. Of being a terrible person who is bad for America.

But wait! There's more:

Now, Marco Rubio, in my book, is a totally different character. He doesn't stand for anything! Nothing! He's an opportunist, first class. As one of the opinion pieces said yesterday, the only thing he's ever accomplished in his life is being elected senator, and then he walks away from that.

See what he did there? At least Ted Cruz has an ethos, dude. Marco Rubio doesn't even have that! He is worse than universally despised punchy-faced cock fungus Cruz!

Here is a man who was part of a group of senators -- a very, very small group of senators -- who came up with something important for the country: comprehensive immigration reform. He was a part of it. He helped us pass it here in the Senate. And then he walks away from it! How in the world could anybody do that?!

Reid, master that he is, helpfully reminds us that Rubio was totally in favor of comprehensive immigration reform, which included a pathway to citizenship for undocumented immigrants -- a sin in this current Republican Party -- but he also abandoned the effort like the little snot-faced weasel he is, because he doesn't care about anything or anyone at all. How could he do such a thing?! Harry Reid is shocked, shocked!

Bring it home for us, Harry:

So I have Cruz in one category, Rubio in another. And Rubio is in, he's a, he is a failing grade.

Damn, he's good. Cruz is in the "bad for America" category, and Rubio gets a big fat FAIL for having zero principles or accomplishments, and they can fight amongst themselves about which one of them is the best Not Trump in the race, and which one sucks the most and should drop out, while Harry Reid sits back and chuckles, secure in his knowledge that Hillary Clinton, whom he endorsed last month, could beat either one of them, backwards in heels.

[Mediaite]

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