Match The Dumb Easter Egg With Its Dumb U.S. State!

ButtersuckHappy Day After Easter, everybody! This is the time of year when Our Christian Nation celebrates the execution of the Middle Eastern insurgent Jesus al-Christ with an ancient pagan fertility festival named for the goddess Eostre. It's also when the White House once again honors the 50 states by displaying crappy decorated eggs that are somehow representative of the states in question. Hey look it's a terrible bloated morbidly obese Panda! Guess which "state" goes with this loathsome egg.

The two most precious Christian symbols of this holiest of weekends are the bunny rabbit, because all it does is fuck and eat, and the painted egg, which reminds us of where all that sperm is headed. President Bush honors our national paganism each spring with a symbolic "egg hunt" in which children -- the eventual product all that human sperm, should it accidentally get on a lady -- run around the lawn looking for eggs or Barney's poops.

And also, for no particular reason, each U.S. state proudly offers a sacrificial decorated chicken egg to the White House. You can learn a lot about a state by its dumb egg! For example, even the egg from a make-believe state like "D.C." teaches a valuable lesson: The symbol of Washington is a fat psychopathic animal too dumb to fuck that we rent from the Red Communist Chinese in exchange for Beijing propping up our economy.

Now, onward to the Easter Game! Look at the egg, then try to guess what dumb state came up with that egg, and then read the illuminating comment!

Four eggs in Ohio.

Let's see, what sort of poor, terrified, simple-minded white people might make such a tragic loser egg? Yes, you are right: The Democratic voters of Ohio.

Super Tuber!

If this looks like some kind of painful gay thing made for sticking up your ass, then you correctly guessed that this egg is from Larry Craig's home state of Idaho.

Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines, It's dark as a dungeon way down in the mine.

Oh no, really? Trapped coal miners? That's your egg? Stay classy, West Virginia.

All my friends know the Low Rider ...

Hey, why not just hire the guy who does the Gang Logos on the back windows of the Low Riders to do the egg for Hawaii. Afterwards he could do a teardrop tattoo on Laura Bush's face .... ("One for every year he's been away.")

Where outdoor whores are illegal.

Let's see, the state best known for its prize-winning chicken cannot actually manage to submit an egg for an Easter Egg.

And so this is Spitzmas, and I hope you had fun.


2008 State Easter Eggs [White House]


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