Maybe Roger Stone Just High On CHRIST, You Dicks

Have you met Roger Stone's personal friend Jesus Christ? He already loves you, even if you don't know it. He wants to meet you. In fact, if you have some time later and don't mind Roger maybe threatening to kill your dog at some point in the conversation if you don't lie to Congress for him in order to protect Donald Trump, Roger might introduce you to his friend, who is Christ.

Stone explained his new convenient friendship saving faith in Jesus on the Axios HBO program, which exists:

"I feel pretty good because I've taken Jesus Christ as my personal savior," Stone said in his first on-camera interview since his sentencing. "And it's given me enormous strength and solace, because he knows what's in my heart." [...]

"Christians believe deeply in redemption," Stone said. "So it's not whether you've sinned. ... It's what's in your heart today — where you stand with God today."
That must be why Stone is jonesing for a new trial, so the defense can call the Son of Man to the stand to say Roger is just his favorite and that his dad the Almighty actually meant to create Roger's head to be shaped like an Easter Island statue that's been vandalized by neighborhood kids.

More on the Christ child, who knew Roger before he was formed in the womb and therefore probably saw what happened in that womb to make it all come out wrong:

"I think Trump has been forgiven for anything he did wrong. I think we all have. And I think he's a different person. I think he is steadfast in his faith. I don't think he could do this job if he was not."

Bull fucking shit, none of these people are going to Heaven.

Do we even believe Roger Stone? Nope, but we know conservative evangelicals are absolute SLUTS for a bullshit redemption story, and so we assume this is Roger working the refs and encouraging the rubes to clamor for a pardon from Trump, that Roger might be redeemed-eth even harder.

Anyway, speaking of "jonesing" and "Christ," another Roger Stone video is going around this week, of a deposition he gave February 12, 2020, before he was sentenced. The opposing counsel in the deposition is Larry Klayman, superlawyer, and Roger Stone is not happy with him! Roger calls superlawyer Larry Klayman a "little bitch" and an "asshole," sacre bleu!

But the other thing the internet is noticing is that Roger is gnashing his teeth and twitching and smacking his lips around like a damn coke fiend. But hey, maybe he is not jonesing for cocaines! Maybe Roger is just high on LORD, like he said above, because of how he is a big Christian now. Sometimes that makes people smack their lips and jitter around, like Jitterbugs for Jesus!

This is just a good Christ-y video, of a man Christ totally is DTF with:

What a nice video time that was, everyone!

This is your OPEN THREAD, at least until polls start closing for Super Tuesday, at which point Dok will have another open thread where he will update with results whenever we have them/he feels like it.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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