There were a lot of takeaways in today's hearing with Bill Barr at the Senate Judiciary Committee. He will lie to your face about anything and everything, and he'll do it under oath. He doesn't recall the answer to what he had for breakfast this morning, much less when he first heard that the press had Robert Mueller's letter to him about how bad he was fucking up the Mueller Report. (The correct answer is "yesterday," because it was yesterday.)

He pretends he believes Trump couldn't possibly have committed obstruction of justice, because he pretends he believes Trump was "falsely accused" of NO RUSSIA, NO RUSSIA, YOU ARE THE RUSSIA. (That is not how any honest legal mind considers obstruction of justice, and it's not fucking REMOTELY what the Mueller Report says.)

He thinks it's OK that Trump tried to make Don McGahn fire Mueller, because Trump said the magic word "CONFLICTS." Apparently according to the legal gremlins who live in Bill Barr's asshole, the president can fire anybody he wants in order to obstruct justice, as long as he makes up stories about how that person has "conflicts of interest," which in this case amount to the fact that one time Robert Mueller wasn't using a Trump club very much and asked for a partial refund of his membership dues.

Hell, Senator Kamala Harris got Barr to admit he hadn't even examined the underlying evidence of Mueller's work, before deciding Mueller is a great big dumbass and overturning his conclusions. And why? BECAUSE CRIME IS FINE, AS LONG AS TRUMP IS COMMITTING IT.

But the moment that's sticking in our mind from today's hearing is MAZIE. Oh my God, Mazie Hirono used the first two-thirds of her questioning time to read Barr for the filth he is, and in so doing was the voice of every American who is so pissed off at this shitshow they're spitting nails.

Watch the whole thing:

Hirono's first words:

The American people know that you are no different from Rudy Giuliani or Kellyanne Conway, or any of the other people who have sacrificed their once-decent reputation for the grifter and liar in the White House.

SHOTS FIRED. And she was just getting started. She noted that Barr had turned down the job of being the president's personal lawyer, but actually we can now see he didn't REALLY turn it down. He just thinks he gets to do that job, as the attorney general of the United States! Hirono's point was that Barr, in his tiny forgetful brain, knows what the difference is between the two, but chooses to ignore it.

She said Barr had no business overseeing the Mueller investigation, and should have forced Rod Rosenstein to recuse himself, since he was a witness in the obstruction portion of the investigation. She noted that Barr let Trump's lawyers see the Mueller Report before he "DEIGNED" to let Congress see it. And she noted that "thanks to a free press," we now know about Mueller's letter to Barr expressing his concerns with Barr's handling of the Mueller Report, the letter he tried to conceal. In our liveblog, we joked that we were pretty sure the question Hirono was winding up to was, "WHY SHOULDN'T I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW?" And also steal his lunch money. And then punch him in the face again, just for extra fun.

And then OH DAMN, Hirono was the first senator to say what we've been saying all day, and she said it to his face:

You lied to Congress. You told Rep. Charlie Crist that you didn't know what objections Mueller's team might have to your March 24 so-called "summary." You told Senator Chris Van Hollen that you didn't know if Bob Mueller supported your conclusions. But you knew. You lied. And now WE KNOW.

And she's right. Bill Barr did lie to Congress.

Hirono said she wasn't surprised by any of this, and this is why she voted against him.

She finished her monologue by saying Barr had betrayed Americans' trust, and should therefore RESIGN. (Kamala Harris also said in no uncertain terms after the hearing that Barr should GTFO and resign.)

Oh yeah, LOL, and Mazie Hirono also had questions for Barr. Most of them were along the lines of OK fine, we get it, you don't think it's physically possible for Donald Trump to commit a crime. All rational human beings disagree, but whatever. But does Barr think it's OK for a president to fire the FBI director to protect himself against an investigation into his own conspiracies with a hostile foreign power? Does he think it's OK for the president to ask his White House counsel to lie? (She acknowledged that she was echoing Adam Schiff's wonderful "YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S OK" speech.)

And yeah, basically, he thinks it's OK, because he's a lawless chasm full of gopher smegma who lies a lot.

At this point, Hirono was seriously pissed off (as if she wasn't before) and delivered her best line:

Please, mister attorney general, give us some credit for knowing what the hell is going around here with you.

Mazie Hirono is a true American hero for saying that.

And oh my fuck, Lindsey Graham was soooooo mad! After Hirono said that, he got all pissy and acted like Hirono had just spent four hours listening to a woman recount in painstaking detail that time Brett Kavanaugh allegedly sexually assaulted her. He was I DO DECLARE! and WELL I NEVER! and said she had "slandered this man from top to bottom." Lindsey Graham apparently doesn't think it's very polite to recite facts to a man's face like that.

Bless your heart, Lindsey Graham, this is only just the beginning. Have fun being the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee!

Also go fuck yourself with a rock.

On that note, Wonkers, OPEN THREAD!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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