This might explain The Great And Powerful Trixie's distrust of wheels.

A top fundraiser for Sen. John McCain was arrested Tuesday in a Phoenix meth lab bust -- or at least, according to the very careful phrasing in the Arizona Republic, Emily Pitha is a "woman listed as the RSVP contact for U.S. Sen. John McCain's re-election fundraisers." So maybe she didn't actually handle any campaign cash with her meth-stained hands, she just confirmed reservations. So, tell us more about what, as they say in the parlance of the underworld, "went down"!

A Maricopa County Sheriff's Office spokesman said authorities were first alerted to possible drug activity at Pitha's Phoenix home by a parcel in transit from the Netherlands containing over 250 grams of MDMA -- raw ecstasy. Detective Doug Matteson, the MCSO spokesman, said Pitha's boyfriend, 36-year-old Christopher Hustrulid, signed for the package when it arrived at their doorstep Tuesday afternoon.

Detectives executing a search warrant at the home discovered an active meth lab, along with unspecified quantities of LSD, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, about $7,000 in loose currency, and counterfeit money, according to Matteson. A separate building on the property was found to have a hidden room that was to be used as a marijuana-grow facility, he said.

Isn't it a shame when "raw ecstasy" turns out to be something other than a line from a romance novel? There's not a heck of a lot of connection to McCain, unfortunately, which would have made for a much funner story, and maybe explained the old crank's mood swings.

The McCain campaign issued an anodyne press statement commending the hard work and dedication of the blah-blah yadda yadda in keeping the streets safe from so on and so forth, and said the campaign had "immediately terminated any relationship with Ms. Pitha upon learning of her alleged involvement in the operation.” Look Ma, clean hands!

Pitha and the mellifluously named Hustrulid were charged with all the drug violations you can think of, and may face additional charges of child endangerment because there were two children, aged 5 and 10, living in the home, which is terrible. MCSO spokesman Matteson, perhaps engaging in a bit of hyperbole, said the kids "had easy access to all of (the) drugs and materials, even the bomb-making materials that were located in the back with the meth lab." Not that Pitha and Hustrulid were making bombs, as far as we can tell -- but the Phoenix PD bomb squad was brought in to dispose of "volatile materials used in the meth-making process," so maybe that justifies calling the deadly chemicals "bomb-making materials." Yes, we nitpick, but it's annoying to see a law enforcement spokesman talking about bombs when there weren't any charges of making bombs, dagnabbit. A meth lab isn't awful enough?

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who Donald Trump will remind you five times a day has endorsed Donald Trump, also played up the not-quite-bombs in a Tweet taking credit for the bust.

"My Det's seized large drug shipment from Europe,2 arrests,meth lab, xplosive material, many drugs involved,” he wrote.

As of press time, no attempts have been made to ascertain whether there are any half-dead drug lords tied up in the basement of any of John McCain's several homes, however many he has. McCain's Democratic opponent, Ann Kirkpatrick, who is virtually tied in the polls with the incumbent senator, had no comment on the incident, but we bet she at least giggled a little.

[Arizona Republic / Daily Beast / Phoenix New Times]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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