Two equally serious world leaders


Remember that time Donald Trump had been president for barely five minutes and figured a really good way to assert his newfound authori-tah would be to make phone-yells at Malcolm Turnbull, prime minister of Australia, which is (geopolitical fact) one of America's strongest allies? Trump yelled at Turnbull about refugees and then really showed Turnbull his anus by bragging about how big his Electoral College win was. Turnbull was obviously very impressed, and the White House's excuse for one of the first of Trump's many presidential fuck-ups was that it was like FIVE PM (not kidding!), which meant he was far too sleepy and full of diaper-poo to do proper presidenting.

Obviously Turnbull continues to be very impressed with Trump, who is making good on his promise to restore international respect to America, hahahahahaha we can't even type that with a straight face. Literally every democratically elected leader in the world (and probably most of the authoritarian fucksticks) thinks Trump is a L-O-S-E-R, and Turnbull has been caught on tape expressing those thoughts! He was at a thing called the Mid Winter Ball, which sounds like some kind of version of America's White House Correspondents' Dinner, except for how it's not aired for public consumption.

Until now! Some video/audio has "leaked," and oh boy, Malcolm Turnbull was teasing Donald Trump in the Australian language!

The Donald and I, we are winning and winning in the polls! We are winning so much! We are winning like we have never won before! We are winning in the polls! We are! We are! Not the fake polls. Not the fake polls! They're the ones we're not winning in. We're winning in the real polls. You know, the online polls! They are so easy to win!

It's funny because this is literally how Trump talks, minus the Australian sounds.

I know that! Did you know that? I kind of know that. I know that! They are SO easy to win.

A lot of people don't know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Did you know that? Not many people know that. I just learned that!

I have this Russian guy ... Believe me, it's true. IT IS TRUE!

UH-OH. The Australian news guy reporting in the video above said Trump MIGHT NOT think that Russia joke was very funny (because it's true), but Vladimir Putin might. Haw haw, wonder what old Vladimir is up to ... OH look here! Putin is just trolling America by saying maybe he will give James Comey political asylum in Russia like a common Edward Snowden. That fucker.

Reached for comment, the American embassy in Australia was like "pfffffft," because what are they going to do? Try to defend Donald Trump? We highly doubt career diplomats at American embassies are like "Oh please do not make fun of our president, as he is a very good and truthful and serious person. Just read his Twitter! Wait no, don't do that."

Anyway, this is just good stuff. We hate how much we enjoy laughing along with world leaders dunking on Trump, but we DO enjoy it, so fuck off. Just be patient, world -- we will make him Not President anymore as soon as we are Constitutionally able!

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[9News Australia]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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