Good morning, Wonketariat! We're taking Monday off because the Editrix said so, but here's some of the things we may be talking about this weekend to to hold you over until Tuesday.

Emergency workers are scared to enter flooded chemical plants after Trump rolled back Obama-era EPA safety regs that would have forced industries to make certain dangers public knowledge. I'm sure if they hold their breath and try not to touch anything they'll be fine.

That America First crap is screwing flood victims and charities out of Ameros from Not Americans who would rather hurt Trump than help the new poor. That's bigly bad, but not as bad as her emails.

There are signs that Trump's White House and congressional crazies won't shut down the government now that people are begging for federal aid in the wake of Harvey. It also means Trump is kicking the Tortilla Curtain down the road a little.

Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley are accusing James Comey being guilty of pre-crime and drafting a statement that exonerated Hillary Clinton and her murder mail before the FBI completed its investigation. Clearly this is the smoking gun that proves deep state government officials are anal retentive and believe in spell check.

Trump's lawyers say he couldn't have obstructed justice when he "You're Fired" James Comey because the ghost of Richard Nixon told him when the president does it, it's not illegal. [Archive]

Robert Mueller is scraping the crap off Trump's tax returns now that he's working with the IRS Criminal Investigations unit. I wonder what he'll find? 

Don't expect any help during the next open enrollment period as Trump officials are amputating spending on ACA advertising, as well as halving the signup period, a move many people think is designed to sabotage healthcare for all those icky poors.

Republicans can't seem to "You're Fired" Richard Cordray from the CFPB, and his emails about poor people getting screwed from big businesses are really starting to chap some asses.

Trump is full of sads now that John Kelly is keeping him on a short leash. People are calling him "the church lady" for trying to dull the impact of Trump's incessant chaos. Well, isn't that special.

Mick Mulvaney is a self-declared "right-wing nutjob" who has been attempting to butcher bureaucracy, blow up regulations, and obliterate government spending on things like Meals on Wheels and treatments for diabetics.

Suspected murderer and all around asshole David Clarke has quit his job and the rumor mill has it that he's being brought in to Trump's White House. Do you think the WH press pool will start wearing body armor during briefings?

Trump's in no hurry to stick someone atop DHS. Maybe he'll hot-swap John Kelly with David Clarke?

Trump has been hiring lobbyists to regulate the industries they used to work for, like drug manufacturers and grumpy old farts who used to threaten government lawyers, because nobody wants to work for the Trump administration.

The Treasury inspector general is reviewing Steve Mnuchin and his Bourgeois Barbie's trip to Kentucky to watch the eclipse to see if he might have accidentally abbused government resources.

Wells Fargo has found ANOTHER million-plus bank accounts from people who never signed up with Wells Fargo.

Kris Kobach says he's a paid contributor for Breitbart because he's a Republican and has Republican thoughts, and Breitbart "appeals to a broad spectrum of conservative readers." [h/t Mediaite]

A Salt Lake University Hospital nurse refused to draw blood from an unconscious patient who wasn't under arrest, so she was arrested by a cop who stated, "I either go away with blood in vials or body in tow." What a nice guy.

ISIS has lost another city to US-backed Kurdish, Arab and Iraqi forces, after hundreds of ISIS fighters opted to surrender to the Kurds rather than get killed by the Iraqi military.

The State Department is booting Russia out of some houses in San Francisco in response to orders from Putin forcing US diplomats to GTFO from Russia.

Kenya's Supreme Court says it needs to re-run its presidential election after allegations of fraud. Man, that sounds like a good idea.

And here's your morning Nice Time!

Langur Babies!!

Freedom isn't free, but 'Yr Wonkette is! Throw us some Ameros so things stay that way!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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