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We've put it off long enough, Wonkers. It's time to discuss THE CENSUS LITIGATION. Bow-chicka-bow-bow! But first, let's watch the president of the United States attack the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court on Twitter.

Literally none of this is true, of course. But leaving that aside, what kind of idiot attacks the judicial body which will be adjudicating his fate in short order? Answer: The Giantest Fucking Idiot that ever parked his Russian-owned keister in the Oval Office.


Trump is GRRRRR SO MAD because Chief Justice Roberts said,

We do not have Obama judges or Trump judges, Bush judges or Clinton judges. What we have is an extraordinary group of dedicated judges doing their level best to do equal right to those appearing before them. [...] The independent judiciary is something we should all be thankful for.

Who the hell does that guy think he is? Donald Trump will teach you to law good, Judge Hater!

Which brings us back to the 2020 Census litigation, which is already before the nation's highest court as we speak. In brief, Republicans want to add a question about citizenship because they know it will result in an undercount of minority residents. The Constitution requires an actual headcount, so only the wingiest of nuts is seriously arguing that non-citizens shouldn't be enumerated. But if fewer Latinos are willing to tell the government that there are non-citizens in their homes, then fewer congressional districts will be allocated to places like California and Texas. And the dwindling population of rural Ohio can keep all those delicious electoral college seats that keep sending Republicans to the White House when they've lost the popular vote. Ain't America GRAND!

But this is the Trump administration, whose evil is eclipsed only by its monumental incompetence. So shit went sideways fast.

That's right Secretary Soup Cans of the Department of Commerce is running point on this one. They're really, REALLY not sending their best.

On March 26, Wilbur Ross announced that the citizenship question was being added to the Census. Smoky Eye Goebbels was immediately dispatched to lie that it had always been so, deliberately eliding the fact that questions about citizenship had only been part of the smaller American Community Survey, and it hasn't been asked of all households since 1950. A coalition of blue state AGs immediately sued, and Ross wound up before the House Ways and Means Committee in June, where he told the lawmakers that the question had been added at the behest of the Justice Department to comply with the Voting Rights Act. Which was CHUTZPAH, and also A LIE.

The government was forced to admit in court that the real impetus came from Steve Bannon, who told Ross to let Kris "Votefucker" Kobach write that question for him.

Secretary Ross recalls that [Steve] Bannon called Secretary Ross in the Spring of 2017 to ask Secretary Ross if he would be willing to speak to then-Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach about Secretary Kobach's ideas about a possible citizenship question on the decennial census.

So Ross reached out to Kobach as instructed for further marching orders.

Which is more or less what the Commerce Secretary did.

Even though every member of the Census Bureau staff was screaming at him that minority respondents were freaking out and refusing to answer, so that as many as 24 million US residents would be accidentally-on purpose missed if the citizenship question were added. Then he went to the Justice Department and told them to come up with some bullshit to justify it -- hell, say it's to protect minority voters, the lefties eat that shit up, right? (Probably.) And, oh yeah, the White House started talking about letting law enforcement officials use confidential response data to find criminals and undocumented immigrants. Subtle!

Meanwhile, in court, the DOJ has been fighting tooth and nail to get the Census case shut down. The Supreme Court blocked the plaintiffs from deposing Wilbur Ross pending a February hearing, but allowed document subpoenas and depositions of his deputies to proceed. And so US District Judge Jesse Furman has been sitting in a Manhattan courtroom listening to the government argue that adding the citizenship question in violation of longstanding Commerce Department procedure and despite vast evidence that it would make the Census less accurate is not an arbitrary and capricious act because ... reasons.

Like, maybe Wilbur Ross just always wanted to ask people where they were born, so he wasn't adding it to be racist.

Or maybe it's okay to make a stupid decision if you can find some justification for it afterwards.

And maybe Wilbur Ross isn't a liarfuckingliar, he's just, uh, building the record.

UH HUH.

But before all that happened this morning, Solicitor General Noel Francisco (who used to have a sterling reputation and clearly no longer gives a damn) last night sent a letter to the Supreme Court begging them to prettyplease tell that mean Judge Furman that he can't tell them to eighty-six their racist census question.

In light of this Court's grant of the government's petition for a writ of certiorari, the government respectfully suggests that the Court may wish to reconsider staying further trial proceedings. A stay of further trial proceedings could "protect the very review [this Court] invite[d]" and has now granted. [Citations omitted.]

Why, no, we do not as a rule "respectfully suggest" in letters that SCOTUS stop a trial two weeks after it and the Second Circuit explicitly refused to do so, as Judge Furman noted at the outset of today's hearing.

But we don't generally have a president who attacks the Chief Justice on Twitter, either. Because shit is REALLY, REALLY crazy in 2018. Which you knew, but ... DAY-UMM!

Okay, Wonkers. Class dismissed!

[ABC / NPR / Courthouse News / Francisco Letter]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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