Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island
Her name is Anne Armstrong, and while she says she's going to be the next governor of Rhode Island, we're thinking probably not. For one, she's a write-in candidate, so unless her name is Lisa Murkowski and she's running as a write-in for Alaska senator, her chances of victory are ... let's see ... zero? Yes, our gay math wizards tell us her chances are zero. In fact, pollsters for some strange reason haven't even bothered to include her name in their polling calculations.
But she's got a unique pitch to voters we can't help but like, and if everyone in Rhode Island agrees that smoking pot is good for you, she just might win! (Spoiler: She's not going to win.)
I'm Anne Armstrong, and I'm going to be the next governor of Rhode Island. And I hope that during my tenure, I will be able to dispel a number of misconceptions about cannabis use.
I use cannabis every day. I cook it into food, and I use it as medicine to help me with a physical condition. I use it as a dietary supplement, and yes, I do smoke cannabis, and yes, I do inhale.
And it helps me it helps me. It helps me to focus, it helps to facilitate communication. It doesn't make people crazy the way you’ve been told.
And so I hope that you will read and open your eyes and realize the truth that we've been lied to for a long time by our government, and something that's been essential to our health has been taken away from us, and that's why people get sick with cancer, that's why they get sick with a lot of chronic degenerative diseases -- because they've been deprived of cannabinoids, and our bodies need them.
So as governor, I'm going to do everything I can to remove the stigma. Cannabis users shouldn't be subject to shame. They shouldn't be ostracized or marginalized, and I hope you'll help me bring that about. Thank you very much.
She also said -- at the Boston Hemp Fest, of course -- that she'd not only get rid of all the laws restricting pot, but she'd full-on spark up while governing.
“I’m gonna sit and use cannabis as I govern from my office,” she said. “And I am gonna have my cannabis in the rotunda of the statehouse and it is gonna be a people’s cannabis garden.”
Talk about green governance! We here at Yr Wonkette wish you the best of luck, Anne Armstrong who will probably definitely not be the next governor of Rhode Island. At least we know you'll probably enjoy yourself at your victory party, even if somehow you don't win after all.