Megachurch Pastor: Satan Made Falwell Jr. Watch His Wife Bone The Pool Boy

Religion

The fun thing about being a right-wing evangelical asshole is that you absolutely never have to take any responsibility for your actions, because anything you do that is bad is obviously the result of Satan forcing you to do it because of how incredibly holy you are. According to Trump Pastor Robert Jeffress, this is what happened with Jerry Falwell, Jr., his wife, the pool boy and the misappropriated Liberty University money.

Now, we could all give two shits about someone having a cuckold fetish. Everyone has a thing, and as long as everyone you involve with your thing is a consenting adult, then good for you. Enjoy! But you don't get to have a cuckold fetish when you otherwise go around telling other people that their sexual preferences are bad and evil and should be illegal. You know, like a regular Falwell.

Jefress, however, warns us not to rejoice in Falwell's downfall, because Satan had him right in his crosshairs all along.


From the American Family Association's newsletter, OneNewsNow:

"First of all, nobody should rejoice in the downfall of another person. We should be praying for Jerry, his family, [and] for the Liberty University family as a whole," Dr. Jeffress begins. "Secondly, we need to remember that none of us is immune from falling into sin. We can all fall. It usually never happens immediately. It's a slow erosion of our souls over a long period of time that leads to a final collapse."

Jeffress believes high-profile Christians are a special target of Satan.

"In his crosshairs would be every Christian, but certainly those who have a public ministry and are well known by others," he submits. "We're all joined together with other Christians, and when one Christian falls, it really does hurt the entire witness of Christ."

High profile Christians are a special target of Satan? You don't say!

What exactly did Satan do to trick Jerry Falwell, Jr. into watching his wife bang the pool boy? Did he tell him that he was actually going to be watching The Passion of the Christ and then bam! Surprised him with illicit sex? And then he couldn't turn away because Satan forced him to stand there and held his eyes open?

Was Gwen Verdon involved in some capacity?

Whatever Lola Wants, Damn Yankees. www.youtube.com

Did Satan say "If you watch your wife get it on with Giancarlo the sexy pool boy, I will make it so gay people can't get married anymore?" Was it another kind of bribe? Did he promise him that he would be super good at playing guitar? Did he dress up like Al Pacino and get him a job at a prestigious law firm? How exactly did this work?

I can't tell you that. But what I can tell you is that this is your open thread. Talk amongst yourselves!

[Friendly Atheist]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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