Megyn Kelly's Wealthy White Person Mask Problems Unbearable, Probably Unsolvable

White Nonsense
Megyn Kelly's Wealthy White Person Mask Problems Unbearable, Probably Unsolvable

Did you know Megyn Kelly has a podcast show thingie on Sirius XM? We did not know that. (Sorry if you didn't want anybody mentioning that out loud, Sirius XM!)

Anyway, Mediaite accidentally stumbled upon her show, we guess, and caught her interviewing the New York Times's David Leonhardt, and either they just happened to catch Kelly during a SEVERE moment of complaining about her unsolvable wealthy white person problems, or the entire show is about that. Is this show called "These Are My Unsolvable Wealthy White Problems, With Megyn Kelly"? Don't know!

Let's look at her unsolvable wealthy white person problems and see if we can DEFY THE LAWS OF SCIENCE, by solving them:

Problem #1: She hates wearing masks. HATES it. "When I'm not on the air I usually wear glasses," she said. "They fog up all the time, and it's annoying, and I don't want to have to deal with it."

Golly, that sucks!

Possible Solution: Try different brand of masks. Perhaps ones that are more expensive and offer a nicer fit. We personally also wear glasses, and therefore we cough up our fucking money to buy a brand called Vogmask instead of bellyaching on Sirius XM about WAAAAAAH.


Problem #2: “I stayed out of the sun for 30 years so that I could have relatively decent skin by the time I was 51, and I have it, and I don’t feel the need hide it behind a disgusting mask that can cause outbreaks,” said Kelly.

Don't you want to see her white skin? Her skin wasn't just a present from White Santa or White Jesus, you guys! She pulled herself up by her bootstraps and she went the fuck inside for 30 years, where no sun could touch her!


Possible Solution: Shut the fuck up, Megyn Kelly.

Problem #3: "I also just find it annoying -- it hurts the back of my ears after a while, I don't like that."

Possible Solution: That sucks. Refer to solution for Problem #1.

Problem #4: "And I really hate seeing it on my kids."

Possible Solution: Uhhhhhhhh well, you're the grownup in this situation, so buck up, buckaroo.

Problem #5: Gonna have to block quote this whole thing from Mediaite:

"Another thing I hate about it is I feel like it’s wearing a Democratic virtue signal,” she said. “It has morphed into a political signal, and one that I don’t support. I almost feel like I have Joe Biden’s hand over my mouth. I want to say, ‘Get your hand off my face, I did what you wanted me to do for almost two years, and now I want to move on. You can’t guilt me forever.'”

Possible Solution: We're sorry. We were wrong. We naively assumed we could just solve Megyn Kelly's problems in one Wonkette post. Now we have a better understanding of what we are dealing with.

Megyn Kelly just told us she feels like she's not only wearing a "virtue signal," which is not how normal people experience masks at all -- they're just trying to protect themselves and others from a pandemic -- but she says she literally feels like JOE BIDEN'S HAND IS IN HER MOUTH. Which by definition means he's covering up her white skin! Which by definition means he's doing Critical Face Theory, to her face!

And so close to White Jesus's birthday!

We have not heard of anyone experiencing these symptoms, in almost two years of pandemic. Oh shit, maybe it's a new variant. What Greek letter spells JOE BIDEN'S HAND IS IN MY MOUTH?

Dunno, above our paygrade, OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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