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Hey, Sugartits, wanna see a movie? It's about a family of Jewish bankers named Rothchild. No, not "Rothschild" like the prominent Jewish family featured in anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for literally hundreds of years now. This is totally different -- there's no "S." And these Rothchilds don't even have horns.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun! It stars Shia LeBeouf as the wayward son who murders all his relatives to get his hands on the family fortune. And that guy used to be Jewish, so you know he'll just nail it. And if he needs an expert, Mel Gibson will be on hand to tell him what Jews are really like. You know, like, how "the fucking Jews start all the wars" and we killed Jesus and made up the Holocaust. Just in case young Shia needs help getting into character. Gibson will play the sinister, old Jewish patriarch Whitelaw Rothchild.

Now I know what you're thinking, but Mel Gibson's publicist has assured the Daily Beast that this is in no wise a thinly veiled depiction of an actual, living Jewish family starring a guy who believes that Jews secretly control the world and start wars to enrich ourselves.


A representative for actor Mel Gibson claimed in a statement Monday evening that the controversial star's upcoming movie project Rothchild—a film about a fictional ultra-rich, multi-generational family of Jewish bankers—was "completely unrelated" to the Rothschilds, a real life ultra-rich, multi-generational family of Jewish bankers.

"I feel the need to spare you any embarrassment as I'm told this film is about a fictional family (hence the name 'Rothchild') vs the Rothschild family to which you are referring," Gibson's longtime publicist Alan Nierob wrote in an email. "Completely unrelated to your premise and angle. Hopefully this is helpful to you." He also sent a summary of the movie for emphasis.

See? No problem at all!

Yes, Gibson has had his ups and down. What movies star hasn't? Like that time he hit his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva in the face while she was holding their daughter. Or the time he told her she deserved to get "raped by a pack of n*ggers." Or the time he threatened to come over and burn her house down around her, "but you will blow me first." That's just kid stuff from when he was a wee lad of 54.

I'm kidding, of course. I don't want to see this movie, and I don't want you to see it either. Not because it should be illegal to make something so stupid and offensive. (Because it shouldn't.) Not because Gibson's publicist should be booked for first degree assault on his listeners' intelligence. (Although he should.) Not even because it sounds terrible. We all need to eat popcorn and escape for a couple of hours on a Saturday night.

But because Mel Gibson is FUCKING CANCELED. Or at least he should be.

They all should be. No more Woody Allen or Roman Polanski. Michael Richards and Louis CK can pile up their cash on the patio and perform a set for it. You don't need Clint Eastwood, or James Franco, or Gerard Depardieu or Brett Ratner, or Les Moonves. And you sure as hell don't need to take your family to see Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson in some Santa movie. You wouldn't leave your kid alone with those guys for five minutes. And yet people who have heard the tapes of Gibson threatening a woman's life and seen the police report where he called the arresting officer "sugartits" and claimed Jews start all wars, will still buy a ticket for his latest vehicle.

He's like the Box Office Donald Trump: He could shoot a guy in the middle of Fifth Avenue and still get paid $40 million to play Daddy. But you don't have to play along. Give your money to the thousands of actors who are not racist, sexist, anti-semites. Give your money to female producers and directors. Or, heck, listen to a Podcast and learn a thing.

Because, if 2016 taught us anything, it's that all the little decisions matter. The Facebook posts we like. The casual racism we accept because the world can't change overnight. The leers our daughters face when they walk down the street. The lies we ignore because who could possibly believe that Hillary Clinton is part of a Satanic pedophile ring based in a pizza parlor.

Maybe there was a time when you could separate Tom Selleck from his NRA advocacy. But that day is long gone. Everything matters. Your money and attention matter. So spend them wisely.

TIME'S UP.

[DB]

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