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Hey, Sugartits, wanna see a movie? It's about a family of Jewish bankers named Rothchild. No, not "Rothschild" like the prominent Jewish family featured in anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for literally hundreds of years now. This is totally different -- there's no "S." And these Rothchilds don't even have horns.

Oh, come on, it'll be fun! It stars Shia LeBeouf as the wayward son who murders all his relatives to get his hands on the family fortune. And that guy used to be Jewish, so you know he'll just nail it. And if he needs an expert, Mel Gibson will be on hand to tell him what Jews are really like. You know, like, how "the fucking Jews start all the wars" and we killed Jesus and made up the Holocaust. Just in case young Shia needs help getting into character. Gibson will play the sinister, old Jewish patriarch Whitelaw Rothchild.

Now I know what you're thinking, but Mel Gibson's publicist has assured the Daily Beast that this is in no wise a thinly veiled depiction of an actual, living Jewish family starring a guy who believes that Jews secretly control the world and start wars to enrich ourselves.


A representative for actor Mel Gibson claimed in a statement Monday evening that the controversial star's upcoming movie project Rothchild—a film about a fictional ultra-rich, multi-generational family of Jewish bankers—was "completely unrelated" to the Rothschilds, a real life ultra-rich, multi-generational family of Jewish bankers.

"I feel the need to spare you any embarrassment as I'm told this film is about a fictional family (hence the name 'Rothchild') vs the Rothschild family to which you are referring," Gibson's longtime publicist Alan Nierob wrote in an email. "Completely unrelated to your premise and angle. Hopefully this is helpful to you." He also sent a summary of the movie for emphasis.

See? No problem at all!

Yes, Gibson has had his ups and down. What movies star hasn't? Like that time he hit his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva in the face while she was holding their daughter. Or the time he told her she deserved to get "raped by a pack of n*ggers." Or the time he threatened to come over and burn her house down around her, "but you will blow me first." That's just kid stuff from when he was a wee lad of 54.

I'm kidding, of course. I don't want to see this movie, and I don't want you to see it either. Not because it should be illegal to make something so stupid and offensive. (Because it shouldn't.) Not because Gibson's publicist should be booked for first degree assault on his listeners' intelligence. (Although he should.) Not even because it sounds terrible. We all need to eat popcorn and escape for a couple of hours on a Saturday night.

But because Mel Gibson is FUCKING CANCELED. Or at least he should be.

They all should be. No more Woody Allen or Roman Polanski. Michael Richards and Louis CK can pile up their cash on the patio and perform a set for it. You don't need Clint Eastwood, or James Franco, or Gerard Depardieu or Brett Ratner, or Les Moonves. And you sure as hell don't need to take your family to see Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson in some Santa movie. You wouldn't leave your kid alone with those guys for five minutes. And yet people who have heard the tapes of Gibson threatening a woman's life and seen the police report where he called the arresting officer "sugartits" and claimed Jews start all wars, will still buy a ticket for his latest vehicle.

He's like the Box Office Donald Trump: He could shoot a guy in the middle of Fifth Avenue and still get paid $40 million to play Daddy. But you don't have to play along. Give your money to the thousands of actors who are not racist, sexist, anti-semites. Give your money to female producers and directors. Or, heck, listen to a Podcast and learn a thing.

Because, if 2016 taught us anything, it's that all the little decisions matter. The Facebook posts we like. The casual racism we accept because the world can't change overnight. The leers our daughters face when they walk down the street. The lies we ignore because who could possibly believe that Hillary Clinton is part of a Satanic pedophile ring based in a pizza parlor.

Maybe there was a time when you could separate Tom Selleck from his NRA advocacy. But that day is long gone. Everything matters. Your money and attention matter. So spend them wisely.

TIME'S UP.

[DB]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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