WHOA HEY, got a mean-ass statement coming from the Office of the First Lady, who does not want to answer your pissant questions about her slut husband or what channel she likes to watch on Air Force One.

Read it and be VERY SORRY for even bringing up these things:


HUFF HUFF HUFF AND BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!

Melania Trump's office is pretty sure it's not #BeBest to ask questions about her husband's porn lies, not when all these kids are getting bullied! And we definitely shouldn't be asking whether it's kind of weird that the first lady's "YEAH WELL WHAT ABOUT" is about bullying, considering how her husband is the world's most prominent cyber-bully. Also, why should we care if the president broke the law (again), when there are OPIOID BABIES IN AMERICA? Shouldn't we leave the president to fail to solve that problem in peace, while his wife pretends she's doing something about it but actually she's just wearing a jacket that says "I REALLY DON'T CARE DO U?"

NO MORE QUESTIONS, THE QUEEN OF AMERICA IS BUSY!

As NBC's Peter Alexander reports, this statement from Stephanie Grisham, spokesperson for the first lady, was in response to questions about that tape of Melania Trump's husband, "Shit-Ass," talking to his lawyer "Dumb-Ass" about how to pay off one of her husband's VERY MANY porn ladies mere weeks before the presidential election. It was also in response to a new Maggie Haberman Special, which is better than usual, maybe because she has time to report now that she's blocked herself on Twitter.

On the first couple's recent trip overseas, Melania Trump's television aboard Air Force One was tuned to CNN. President Trump was not pleased.

He raged at his staff for violating a rule that the White House entourage should begin each trip tuned to Fox — his preferred network over what he considers the "fake news" CNN — and caused "a bit of a stir" aboard Air Force One, according to an email obtained by The New York Times. The email, an internal exchange between officials in the White House Military Office and the White House Communications Agency last Thursday, also called for the ordering of two additional televisions to support Beam, a TiVo-like streaming device, to make sure the president and first lady could both watch TV in their separate hotel rooms when they travel.

So ... Melania Trump can watch whatever she wants, according to the first lady's office, but according to NYT Melania's CNN viewing habits make Donald MAAAAAAAD. Additionally, they have two separate TVs in their separate rooms when they travel, because they love each other very much just like a typical couple, where the wife bats her husband's hand away when he tries to show affection and the husband rages at the wife for watching the Fake News. (And constantly fucks other women and then pays them off.)

The rest of the article is about how Trump lies a lot, which is just some stop the presses breaking fucking news, so we take back our previous statement about this being a better Maggie Haberman than usual, it's the same blah blah blah we're used to.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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