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We do not want to be unfair to Queen Melania Of The #BeBesting Of No Bullying And Also Opioids, but she has finally weighed in on her online troll husband's online bullying of Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old climate activist who ruined Donald Trump's entire life when TIME named her "Person Of The Year." And, well, she's being a SUPER FUCKING DICK about it, as you might expect.

Her statement is about as warm as the holiday cheer that emanates from her Christmas displays:


BeBest is the First Lady's initiative, and she will continue to use it to do all she can to help children. It is no secret that the President and First Lady often communicate differently -- as most married couples do.

It's just a couple thing! If you want cold death stares, stiletto galoshes and tacky outerwear from the most ineffective First Lady in American history, you go to Melania. If you want a half-senile authoritarian shitheel wannabe who overshares about his sensitive feelings on Twitter, you go to Donald. They're different people, OK? It's like none of the rest of y'all haters are even married.

Melania didn't finish her statement by punching a baby or anything, but it was almost that unpleasant:

Their son is not an activist who travels the globe giving speeches. He is a 13-year-old who wants and deserves privacy.

Uh huh OK.

So according to the #BeBest handbook, you are not allowed to say Barron's name out loud -- BARRON BARRON BARRON BARRON BARRON! -- like Stanford law professor Pam Karlan did, and you are not allowed to say cruel and hurtful things like "Donald Trump cannot literally make his son Barron a baron," like Karlan also heartlessly did.

But it's just fine for the quasi leader of the free world to attack a 16-year-old girl on Twitter because she's famous, much like the child of a president is famous. And also because he is jealous and that thing we said about how he's a half-senile authoritarian shitheel wannabe who's just very sensitive in his fee fees about everything, with a particular emphasis on people who are "Person Of The Year."

Fuck you, Melania Trump, and to all a good night.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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