M-----a T---p Sends Ghostwritten F*ck-You Notes To White House Staff

Trump

During the four years that Melania Trump haunted the White House, the residence staff attended to her and her family's needs without vocal complaint. A normal human-resembling first lady who isn't hot garbage would want to personally thank the 80 or so staffers. Obviously, Trump took the road more often traveled by assholes.

CNN reports that the household staff received typewritten (!) thank-you notes from Melania Trump that were also ghostwritten by someone else. Trump couldn't be bothered because she's terrible, which doesn't seem to bother her. She assigned the task to a "lower-level East Wing staffer" who was supposed to write the notes in Trump's “voice," so we presume they're all self-centered and remote. If she's too lazy to write her own thank-you notes, then maybe there was a “Fake Melania" who handled her more grueling duties like boarding airplanes with her husband.

She apparently signed her own name, though, while struggling to find the strength to raise her arm. We're surprised she went that far. Maybe she has a "Melania Trump" stamp.


One of the sources discussing the "thank you" notes with CNN said it is customary for first ladies — and occasionally presidents as well — to write cards or short letters of gratitude to members of household staff, especially the ones whom they get to know extremely well. Much of the correspondence includes personal anecdotes and the letters become "cherished keepsakes" for the residence staff, says the source.

The household staff includes butlers, cooks, housekeepers, ushers and maintenance workers. They don't turn over with each administration, and many have served at the White House for more than a decade. This means they have experience working for an actual first lady with class and grace.

According to “several sources," poor Melania is “checked out," as if you'd notice, and “just wants to go home." She's reportedly “not sad to be leaving" Washington DC and the White House. The American people share this sentiment: Melania Trump flees the closest she's ever come to having actual responsibilities with an approval rating of just 42 percent. Her peak popularity was a 57 percent rating in May 2018, but that was probably the “Fake Melania." Michelle Obama left the White House with 68 percent approval, but that's not a fair comparison because she's not a replicant.

Melania Trump will take her trifling ass to Mar-a-Lago as the least popular first lady ever. She's been rightly booed by children and that was before she trash-talked Christmas like a common Scrooge with just two facial expressions.

I'm already tired of writing about Melania Trump, but if there's one thing I regret about her exit from public life — and it's really just the one — it's that Broadway star and my secret BFF Laura Benanti will no longer play the cluelessly self-absorbed not-quite first lady on "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert. Benanti delivered a spectacular musical send-off to her far more interesting Melania. Watch and enjoy, as New York City joins most of America in telling Melanie to “#BeGone."

[CNN]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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