Melania's #BeBest Campaign Against Christmas And Refugee Children Runs Aground
Melania Trump a rancid tire fire in stilettos? WHO KNEW?
Well, literally anyone who was paying attention in 2011 when she demanded to see Barack Obama's "real" birth certificate. Or that time in 2016 when she blamed reporter Julia Ioffe for all the anti-Semitic death threats Ioffe got from Trump supporters after writing an unflattering article because "she provoked them." But last night we were all reminded once again what a selfish pile of collagen and botulinum toxin our FLOTUS is. And we're not likely to forget again any time soon!
(Yeah, we wrote this before the news about her COVID diagnosis. Still true!)
FLOTUS has been on the outs with her former pal Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, an experienced party planner who worked her ass off on the inauguration then closed up her business to come work in the White House gratis. And for her pains, she was promptly thrown under the bus when eleventy investigators started sniffing around trying to figure out how the Trump people spent $107 million donated by God knows whom on a party.
Well! If Melon thought she was going to fuck with a former D1 power forward and not find herself gasping from a well-aimed elbow to the solar plexus, she was sorely mistaken. Winston Wolkoff started taping her, wrote a longass book about their friendship, and shared some of the most embarrassing recordings last night with CNN's Anderson Cooper.
Here's a long clip if you want to watch the whole thing.
"The jacket was... a publicity stunt, and it was to garner the attention of the press, to make sure that everyone w… https://t.co/SjDa3wCifz— Anderson Cooper 360° (@Anderson Cooper 360°)1601602167.0
Who gives a fuck about kids at the border separated from their parents by DHS ghouls? Not Melania Trump, that's for sure!
TRUMP: They say I'm complicit. I'm the same, like him, I support him, I don't say enough, I don't do enough, where I am. I'm working like a — my ass off Christmas stuff, that, you know, who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decoration? But I need to do it, right? Correct?
WOLKOFF: One hundred percent. You have no choice.
TRUMP: Okay, and then I do it. And I say that I'm working on Christmas planning for the Christmas. And they said, "Oh, what about the children that were separated?" Give me a fucking break. Where they were saying anything when Obama did that?
WOLKOFF: I know.
TRUMP: I cannot go. I was trying to get the kid reunited with the mom. I didn't have a chance. Needs to go through the process and through the law.
LOL, remember that time when First Lady Hillary Clinton said she wasn't much for cookie baking, and they tried to burn her for a witch? Apparently Melania didn't enjoy her traditional duties either. And it showed!
But tell us more, Mrs. Trump, about those lucky kids finally getting yanked from their parents' arms and allowed to sleep in a bed.
All these kids that I met, they were — they're here in the shelters because they were brought by it through coyotes, the people who were trafficking. And that's why they put them in jail. And the kids that they go in shelters. And the way that they take care of them, it's, you know — they even said, the kids, they said, "Wow, I will have my own bed. I will sleep on the bed. I will have a cabinet for my clothes." It's so sad to hear it, but they didn't have that in their own countries. ...
They are taking care nicely there. But you know, yeah, they are not with parents. It's sad, but when they come here alone, or with coyotes, or illegally, you know, you need to do something.
First, there is some, AHEM, confusion as to how the First Lady got her own visa, so maybe people living in glass white houses shouldn't throw stones. Second, we note that she managed to get US citizenship for her own parents without first parking them in a detention center with a single cabinet to store all their worldly possessions.
But more importantly, here's how Columbia Law School professor Elora Mukherjee, director of the school's Immigrants' Rights Clinic, described the conditions for kids in US custody for the Atlantic:
In 12 years representing immigrant children in detention, I have never seen such degradation and inhumanity. Children were dirty, they were scared, and they were hungry.
An overwhelming number of children who I interviewed had not had an opportunity for a stable shower or bath since crossing the border [days or weeks earlier]. They were wearing the same clothing that they had crossed the border in. Their clothing was covered in bodily fluids, including urine and breast milk for the teenage moms who are breastfeeding.
Nearly every child I spoke with said that they were hungry because they're being given insufficient food. The food at Clint is rationed on trays. Everyone gets an identical tray regardless of if you're a 1-year-old, or you're a 17-year-old, or a breastfeeding teenage mother who has higher caloric needs. The same food is served every single day, and none of the children receive any fruit and vegetables or any milk.
Think you can't hate this woman any more?
Wrong! Let's talk about that jacket.
WOLKOFF: So what prompted you to want to buy that jacket?
TRUMP: I'm driving liberals crazy, that's for sure. And they deserve it, you understand? And everybody's like "Oh, my God, this is the worst, this is the worst." After, I mean come on. They are crazy, okay?
In Wolkoff's telling, the infamous "I Really Don't Care" jacket for her trip to the border was some kind of weird flex on Michelle Obama, who never went to visit all the kids in camps at the border. (Ummm ...) An assertion of independence that got filtered through Melania's ESOL and her inept handlers at the White House and wound up sending ... the opposite message?
We don't know, and honestly, we don't really care. Like, AT ALL. What we care about is 30 years of performative outrage by the Right nitpicking every goddamn thing Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama did. Their hair, their bodies, their clothes, their voices, their children, their marriages, their vacations, their spending — all of it.
And now we have this lazy mannequin, who couldn't even be bothered to move into the White House, costing American taxpayers some $300,000 per day so that she had maximum leverage to renegotiate her prenup. Families are being ripped apart at the border, and this useless sack of saline is bitching about picking out Christmas lights?
And no, of course we're not expecting Fox News to get upset about Melania's private war on Christmas. Because it's bullshit! They'd be better off letting Tim Burton decorate than that tacky woman. But we're not falling for this ginned up nonsense when they try it on Jill Biden in four months. And they will!
NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.