Metro Section: A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Grass Chewing, Inc.
* What does Butterstick want for his birthday? A few less corporate sponsors and a lot more bamboo. [ National Zoo ]
* The New Chinatown is the place to see and be seen, if you're a corporate restaurant chain, or just a fat ass. [ DC Pussycat Doll ]
* Erik Wemple will resume his alt-weekly crusading, just as soon as that damn doggie-day-spa gets off his block. [ Circumlocutor ]
* Don't worry Mayor Williams, it's not the size of the splash -- it's the force of the crash. [ Free Ride ]