Metro Section: A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Grass Chewing, Inc.
* What does Butterstick want for his birthday? A few less corporate sponsors and a lot more bamboo. [National Zoo]
* The New Chinatown is the place to see and be seen, if you're a corporate restaurant chain, or just a fat ass. [DC Pussycat Doll]
* Erik Wemple will resume his alt-weekly crusading, just as soon as that damn doggie-day-spa gets off his block. [Circumlocutor]
* Don't worry Mayor Williams, it's not the size of the splash -- it's the force of the crash. [Free Ride]