Michael Avenatti Just Being Sexy, Saying Rudy Giuliani Is A Damn Fool, Being Sexy Some More

There is breaking news in the saga of Rudy Giuliani spilling all the shit about Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump and Michael Cohen, and no, we do not mean how NBC News had to issue a correction saying that when they earlier reported that feds had put a "wire tapp" on Cohen's phones, what they really meant was a "pen register," which is probably a fancy word for "Fleshlight," we don't know.

On the Lawrence O'Donnell TV program Thursday night, Michael Avenatti was there, because Michael Avenatti is always there, because we think Lawrence might have LI'L CRUSH, and Avenatti managed to break some news that made Rudy Giuliani look like even more of a fool than he already looks like, which is pretty darn hard when this is the face God gave you:

Musta been "LOL!" day in Heaven when God did that!

Anyway, in Giuliani's "Hannity" interview, he took great pains to explain to all you morons in TV Land that Cohen's payment to Stormy Daniels, and Trump's subsequent reimbursement of Cohen, had NOTHING to do with the campaign, so SORRY GUYS, but no laws were broken. On "Fox & Friends" Thursday morning, Giuliani explained that despite what he had said the previous night, the payment was totally about the campaign, because can you imagine if some porn lady had come forward with her story during the last presidential debate with Hillary Clinton? That woulda been BAD!

On the Lawrence O'Donnell program, Avenatti was just sitting there having this face ...

... and he dropped the knowledge that he has evidence as hard as his sexxxy runner body that Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson, Stormy Daniels's former lawyer who was maaaaybe colluding with Cohen to create an outcome favorable to Trump, and who is now cooperating with investigators, specifically and many times discussed how they had to get that payment for Daniels done BEFORE THE ELECTION, which means obviously this had nothing to do with the campaign, no way no how, you betcha.

Avenatti said it the first time, and O'Donnell was like WHOA WHOA WHOA, so he made sure he had heard clearly:

O'DONNELL: You are aware of clear and convincing evidence that Michael Cohen was communicating with Stormy Daniels's lawyer at the time about the urgency of getting this settlement and this payment done in October 2016, because it needed to be done because of the presidential campaign?


Uh oh! No equivocation. No flirty eyes like "MAYBE it's on the DVD I just tweeted like a little prick tease." Just "YES."

And then he made this face:

We have a feeling he's telling the truth on this one!

Some people think Michael Avenatti is on TV too much, trying his case in public because he doesn't really have the goods. But we think that's not quite right. We think Avenatti both has the goods and is having the time of his fucking life going on TV every nine seconds and being a constant reminder that the Trump regime is going down, and he wants to be the one to make that happen. Does he want his name in the history books? Sure, probably! Do we have a problem with that? Not as long as the history books also include shirtless pictures!

We also wouldn't be surprised if this is the most incognito presidential run ever, by a guy who could totally run on the platform of "I am America's sweetheart, that guy is a gross orange criminal with the hands of a chunky baby, YOU PICK, AMERICA."

After dropping that news, Avenatti looked at the camera and told Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump it would be a really good idea for them to go on "Fox & Friends" this morning, so they can talk more, because they're both really fucking stupid and every time they talk it helps his case.

He was just saying. And being sexy.

Anyway, this post is over now, we guess.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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