There is breaking news in the saga of Rudy Giuliani spilling all the shit about Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump and Michael Cohen, and no, we do not mean how NBC News had to issue a correction saying that when they earlier reported that feds had put a "wire tapp" on Cohen's phones, what they really meant was a "pen register," which is probably a fancy word for "Fleshlight," we don't know.

On the Lawrence O'Donnell TV program Thursday night, Michael Avenatti was there, because Michael Avenatti is always there, because we think Lawrence might have LI'L CRUSH, and Avenatti managed to break some news that made Rudy Giuliani look like even more of a fool than he already looks like, which is pretty darn hard when this is the face God gave you:

Musta been "LOL!" day in Heaven when God did that!

Anyway, in Giuliani's "Hannity" interview, he took great pains to explain to all you morons in TV Land that Cohen's payment to Stormy Daniels, and Trump's subsequent reimbursement of Cohen, had NOTHING to do with the campaign, so SORRY GUYS, but no laws were broken. On "Fox & Friends" Thursday morning, Giuliani explained that despite what he had said the previous night, the payment was totally about the campaign, because can you imagine if some porn lady had come forward with her story during the last presidential debate with Hillary Clinton? That woulda been BAD!

On the Lawrence O'Donnell program, Avenatti was just sitting there having this face ...

... and he dropped the knowledge that he has evidence as hard as his sexxxy runner body that Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson, Stormy Daniels's former lawyer who was maaaaybe colluding with Cohen to create an outcome favorable to Trump, and who is now cooperating with investigators, specifically and many times discussed how they had to get that payment for Daniels done BEFORE THE ELECTION, which means obviously this had nothing to do with the campaign, no way no how, you betcha.

Avenatti said it the first time, and O'Donnell was like WHOA WHOA WHOA, so he made sure he had heard clearly:

O'DONNELL: You are aware of clear and convincing evidence that Michael Cohen was communicating with Stormy Daniels's lawyer at the time about the urgency of getting this settlement and this payment done in October 2016, because it needed to be done because of the presidential campaign?


Uh oh! No equivocation. No flirty eyes like "MAYBE it's on the DVD I just tweeted like a little prick tease." Just "YES."

And then he made this face:

We have a feeling he's telling the truth on this one!

Some people think Michael Avenatti is on TV too much, trying his case in public because he doesn't really have the goods. But we think that's not quite right. We think Avenatti both has the goods and is having the time of his fucking life going on TV every nine seconds and being a constant reminder that the Trump regime is going down, and he wants to be the one to make that happen. Does he want his name in the history books? Sure, probably! Do we have a problem with that? Not as long as the history books also include shirtless pictures!

We also wouldn't be surprised if this is the most incognito presidential run ever, by a guy who could totally run on the platform of "I am America's sweetheart, that guy is a gross orange criminal with the hands of a chunky baby, YOU PICK, AMERICA."

After dropping that news, Avenatti looked at the camera and told Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump it would be a really good idea for them to go on "Fox & Friends" this morning, so they can talk more, because they're both really fucking stupid and every time they talk it helps his case.

He was just saying. And being sexy.

Anyway, this post is over now, we guess.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Don’t take for granted that the institutions you love will always be there, like democracy, and Wonkette. Click to save at least one of them!

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC
Screenshot NRATV

DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc