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MICHAEL COHEN, WERE YOU WORRIED YOU WERE NOT IN THE NEWS ENOUGH RIGHT NOW? Jesus, this is worse than when Michael Avenatti was vaingloriously going on TV every day and pretending like maybe he might run for president, because OBVIOUSLY America was just crying out for that.

Cohen, who is currently very busy testifying for Congress and going through the WHAR BOXES of Trump crime evidence in his basement and trying to decide what outfit to wear on the day he reports for prison, decided he needed to do another thing, so he is suing the Trump Organization in the New York State Supreme Court for failing to pay his legal fees -- including unpaid fees from before he started cooperating with all the various investigations into his personal crimes, the crimes he committed at the direction of and for the benefit of Individual-1, and the crimes committed by Individual-1 and other people in the Trump orbit, and also fees from after Cohen started cooperating, all the way up to the present day.

In other words, Cohen is fucking Trump, and he's demanding Trump pay for the fucking Cohen is giving him, as per the terms of the indemnification agreement they signed, what said the "Trump Organization agreed to indemnify Mr. Cohen and to pay attorneys' fees and costs incurred by Mr. Cohen in connection with the Matters," and by "matters" he means all matters arising from his MANY YEARS of work for Trump and the company. Therefore, #PAYTHEFUCKUP.


The suit alleges that the Trump Organization was real slow about paying at all times, and that Cohen had to personally beg Dumbfuck Trump Junior and Dumbfuck Eric to pay up back in 2017. This is a big surprise considering Trump's reputation as a cheap-ass cheapskate motherfucker who doesn't pay his bills. Specifically, though, it says the Trump Organization quit paying in May of 2018, at which point there was still an outstanding balance of $1,037,868.87 owed to Cohen's former law firm McDermott Will & Emery LLP. And because the Trump Org quit paying, McDermott quit lawyering.

But wait, what happened around that time? Well! If you'll remember, Cohen pleaded guilty to MANY CRIMES, including those implicating Individual-1, in the Southern District of New York (SDNY) in August of 2018. It was just months before that we -- and Individual-1 -- started getting signals that Cohen was about to flip like a mofo.

The suit offers a helpful timeline:

  • April 9, 2018 -- FBI does KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER on all Cohen's shit.
  • May 6, 2018 -- Rudy Giuliani goes on TV and says don't worry, Cohen's not going to flip. "I don't think they'll be happy with it because he doesn't have any incriminating evidence about the president or himself. The man is an honest, honorable lawyer." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT AGED WELL.
  • June 2018 -- Cohen starts telling friends, family, random passersby on the street that he gon' flip.
  • June 15, 2018 -- Trump suddenly decides Michael Cohen is not actually his lawyer anymore.
  • July 2, 2018 -- Cohen goes on TV and tells George Snuffleupagus that he's on Team America now, and that Trump can go eat Big Macs in hell.
  • July 26, 2018 -- Rudy Giuliani tells the TV that Cohen is a bad man who has "lied all his life." See what we mean about how the thing he had said two months before really aged well? LOL!

So Cohen flipped, McDermott pulled out, and then Cohen had to hire NEW lawyers, so he could keep defending himself, and also start fucking Trump really hard in earnest. That shit is 'SPENSIVE.

We kind of understand why Donald Trump and his criminal associates might not have felt in their hearts like they wanted to keep paying da bills for Cohen, who was now fucking them, but we also understand how Cohen is saying "Actually our agreement is still in effect, PAY UP, FUCKAS!"

Cohen further notes that in the time since, his total unpaid legal bills are $1.9 million and counting, AND ALSO that because he pleaded guilty and got sentenced, he is having to "pay or forfeit an additional approximately $1.9 million as part of his criminal sentence arising from conduct undertaken by Mr. Cohen in furtherance of and at the behest of the Trump Organization and its principals, directors, and officers. All of these amounts were subject to the Trump Organization's indemnification agreement." In other words, PAY UP.

So that is the general thrust of Cohen's lawsuit, which we have to admit is making us LOL quite a lot.

But will he win? Let's ask a Popehat what that will hinge on:

In other words, is the indemnification agreement even enforceable, considering how Cohen wants to use it to pay for legal expenses, fines and forfeitures arising from HIS CRIMES? The lawsuit claims it is, under New York law.

And what will the Trump Organization do? Let's ask a Popehat!

Well, this should be fun!

Look for your next hot Michael Cohen scoop to drop next time he wants some attention, so like nine seconds from now.

[lawsuit]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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