Michael Flynn Not Guilty, YOU ARE THE GUILTY!

Whew boy, last night was a news night, wasn't it! Not only were the Democratic presidential candidates engaged in the single most boring debate in the history of boring debates, and not only did Donald Trump do one of his rallies where he accelerated his attacks on the newfangled water-free dishwashers and potties the liberals have forced on the world, but the House Intelligence Committee also started dropping evidence from Rudy Giuliani's indicted chucklefuck pal Lev Parnas, some of which appeared to show a weird-ass Connecticut GOP congressional candidate named Robert F. Hyde chatting with Lev about how he had former ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch under some kind of surveillance in Ukraine, before Trump finally fired her last April.

Were they trying to put out a hit on her? Unclear! Is Hyde literally a crazy person who was making it all up? Also unclear!

As if that weren't enough, oh yeah by the way Michael Flynn filed with the court requesting to withdraw his guilty plea, a mere week after the government argued that dude has been such a fuckshow for the past year that he should probably serve six months in prison, after firing his lawyers and replacing them with Sidney "Fox News Emoji War Crime Batshit" Powell, and also basically blowing up his own cooperation agreement by more or less trying to sabotage the government's prosecution of his associate Bijan Rafiekian for unregistered lobbying on behalf of a foreign government. Just a year ago, the government was recommending "no jail time." But Sidney Bugfuck Powell was on the case, so she got that ... changed!

Whew boy!

Sentencing was supposed to happen January 28, but now that's maybe not happening. It's not that the judge is required to accept Flynn's request to withdraw his guilty plea for lying to the FBI about his contacts with the Russian ambassador, which is a thing he did, despite his protests that HE WUZ FRAMED, and that a man with decades of national security experience such as Flynn couldn't possibly be expected to know lying to the FBI is bad. As MSNBC legal analyst Barbara McQuade explained on the Rachel program last evening, there has to be a Justice Reason (legal term) for a judge to let a defendant do that, and considering how consistently absolutely delighted Judge Emmet Sullivan has been with Flynn, and also the sheer quality of Sidney Powell's arguments accusing the Justice Department of war crimes or whatever these past few months, we don't know how optimistic we should be about Flynn's chances.

But hey, we guess Judge Sullivan could decide to put Flynn on trial, which is what he is saying he wants right now (what he wants is a pardon from Trump), despite how he has pleaded guilty twice. And with all cooperation agreements shot to hell, the government could decide to prosecute Flynn on more charges. Politico notes that according to Flynn's plea agreement, the government can use literally all of Flynn's statements against him in just such a situation as this. Smashing success, Sidney Powell!

And why are Flynn and Powell doing this right now? Oh just because obviously!

This is the first line of last night's filing:

Michael T. Flynn ("Mr. Flynn") hereby moves to withdraw his plea because of the government's bad faith, vindictiveness, and breach of the plea agreement.

Oh you betcha! Michael Flynn didn't breach his plea agreement,the government did!

Powell continues:

The government's stunning and vindictive reversal of its earlier representations to this Court are incredible, vindictive, in bad faith, and breach the plea agreement.

Stunning and vindictive and incredible and vindictive and bad faith and did she mention vindictive? It was vindictive!

It was also very atrocity. "It's just been one atrocity after another," explained Sidney Powell to Sean Hannity, a fellow legal expert.

(They are super mad the government at first argued for no jail time and then, in direct response to Flynn's behavior, changed its mind and decided that maybe LOCK HER UP would be good for Flynn.)

The filing is here, and if you are the sort who enjoys reading such things, you are hereby ordered to read it. It argues that the government made him lie and say he knew his foreign agent filings were false, and made him lie about his foreign agent-ing work with his associate Bijan Rafiekian, and when he wouldn't lie, they ... they ... they set him up!

Of course, in so doing, he is saying that in this fine statement of offense, he was lying when he said he did that FARA violation he now says he did not do:

In other words, Flynn and Powell are VERY MAD the government wants to testify to all these things Flynn already swore to. Ayup.

Also this withdrawal of guilty plea is now necessary, Powell argues, because the IG Report, which wasn't about Flynn, CHANGES EVERYTHING, according to Powell, who is good at lawyering.

Or you can read this tweet from Powell, which explains the legal intricacies of what they are arguing, and how the "#prosecuters" acted so darn bad:

Sorry, that wasn't the legal explanation you were looking for. Let's blow up a couple of those pictures:

Oh my god, it's like Geocities with herpes.

Flynn's very normal and sane counsel is asking for a 30-day continuance, "for the government to respond to the most recent aspects of this Motion and for Mr. Flynn to provide the additional briefing he needs to protect the record and his constitutional rights in light of significant developments in the last thirty days."

Can't wait for the response from Judge Sullivan. We imagine he'll be as charmed by Flynn as he has been from the beginning, boy howdy.

[Flynn filing]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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