Michele Bachmann Makes Donald Trump's 'Evangelical Advisory Board,' Wasn't Busy Anyway
Really can't go wrong with this pic. Or the corndog.
In case you might have worried that Donald Trump might not be getting top-notch policy advice, the Republican nominee released the names of his "Evangelical Advisory Board" Tuesday, and look who's back in a position to influence American policy again! It's Michele Bachmann, the goofy Jesus-addled former Minnesota congresswoman who retired from Congress in 2014 but never entirely left our awareness, almost like an especially bad childhood trauma.
Since leaving the House and the [*snicker!*] Intelligence Committee, Bachmann has occasionally popped up on our radar with her not-infrequent warnings of the impending End Times and thoughtful commentary on how terrorism is God's way of getting back at Barack Obama. So now, as the wags at RawStory put it, Bachmann "tops the list" of Donald Trump's evangelical brain trust. It's an alphabetical list. It's also not clear what particular role Bachmann will fill. Possibly in exchange for her advice, Trump will do what he can to hasten the End Of Days.
So what will Bachmann and the rest of the evangelical advisors be doing for Donald Trump, exactly? Not a lot of detail on that. In a statement accompanying the annouucement, Trump said the usual steaming pile of nothing:
I have such tremendous respect and admiration for this group and I look forward to continuing to talk about the issues important to Evangelicals, and all Americans, and the common sense solutions I will implement when I am President.
Ah, so they'll be telling him to watch out for flying pigs, then. The statement also explained the board would "convene on a regular basis," so as Bob Dole said back in 1976, it sounds a bit like the vice presidency: Indoor work, no heavy lifting.
Or, more likely, the board exists so Donald Trump can say he's got an evangelical advisory board with a lot of great big conservative Christian names on it. In addition to Bachmann, there's Ralph Reed and James Dobson, plus Liberty University honcho Jerry Falwell, Jr. Former head of the Southern Baptist Convention Ronnie Floyd is on the list, as are Prosperity Gospel freaks Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, who know God is perfectly cool with rich people, especially when they invite His servants to a nice hotel and pay their expenses.
The board is already hard at work providing at least a thin veneer of god-bothering respectability for the laughably inept Bible-knower who lives in Trump Tower and regularly worships at the altar of himself. Members set up Trump's meeting Tuesday with top Christians where he fretted that America knows nothing, nothing at all about the religious beliefs of Hillary Clinton, who says she's a Methodist but could be anything, really. And that went really well, with Trump complaining that it's "politically correct" to pray for America's leaders even if they're not the best greatest leaders.
Still, even though the board includes some members who have openly criticized Trump, it's mostly a completely predictable campaign move: Get the top God-people on a list and say you're listening to them, and let name recognition work its magic. If a bunch of famous pastors are "advising" Trump, then maybe he's not just making stuff up out of his own strangely-coiffed head, and some Christian righties will feel a little safer voting for him in the fall. Just ignore the naysayers from the olden days of the Moral Majority like Michael Farris, who wrote an op-ed for the Christian Post warning that evangelicals flocking to "advise" Donald Trump marked "the end of the Christian Right."
Look, don't go getting our hopes up like that.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.