Representative Michele Bachmann is one of the hardest-working members of your Pulitzer Prize-winning Wonkette staff. She spends a lot of time making the country safer for all straight white Christian persons, but she still finds time to craft a weekly message just for her Wonkette fans. Today, she explains how the gays can be convinced to give up their sinful ass-plundering ways: with real estate! Also, it is possible that she was mildly intoxicated when she improvised this rant for you? Her cocktail of choice? A low-cal Christini, of course.