Michele Bachmann Won't Let Commie Chinese Fill American Barns With Pre-Printed Fake Ballots
Chinese ballot harvest. The flag reads 'Fill the decadent barns of Minnesota with votes for Mao!'

Former US Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota) may no longer be in Congress, but she's still out there — WAY out there! — defending America from enemies foreign, domestic, and entirely imaginary. At some kind of event (Right Wing Watch doesn't specify) where she was allowed to stand at a lectern, the great wingnut warned that mail-in voting is so insecure that all sorts of heinous schemes might be going on, like maybe a massive plot where China would print up tons of absentee ballots for Democrats to have on hand if a candidate needed a come-from-behind victory:

It's a dangerous world out there, and if you didn't know anything at all about how mail-in ballot security actually works, you might well envision a scenario like this:

So could you have a more perfectly framed scenario for fraud? So in this kind of scenario, it's entirely possible that you could have ballots already filled out. In fact they could be printed in China. They could be routed through various countries so you can't detect them. Make their way into Minnesota, be in a barn somewhere. Until after the election day is over, you count up the ballots and you say, 'Gee, how many more do we need? Oh, we're short 48,000?' No problem, you go out and you haul the ballots in.

That's a heck of a scenario which we should certainly all be very worried about, at least if the only things we know about absentee voting come from the comments section of Gateway Pundit, and why would you trust any other source? Leaving aside the little details, like FBI Director Chris Wray's recent testimony that there's no evidence of massive voting fraud, there seem to be a couple of plot holes in Bachmann's caper movie. It's a cascading failure of logic.

We have questions!

Has Michele Bachmann never heard of voter registration? To have hundreds of thousands of fake ballots counted, they'd need to have the names, addresses, and forged signatures of actual voters on them — and what's more, none of those folks could have voted already, because that would invalidate the fakes. More likely, Bachmann is just handwaving that little detail away. After all, a system that allows so much fraud wouldn't really check whether the ballots matched up to real people. So there'd just be several million fake ballots nationwide with made-up names. After all, didn't somebody's cat get mailed an absentee ballot? (No, that never happened, which doesn't make it any less a compelling point.)

Why would our fraudsters hold back all those bogus ballots until after the election? Since they're clearly bent on cheating, why not just mix in the fake ballots with the regular votes? Haha, actually, we know exactly why they wouldn't do that: because Republicans have convinced themselves there has to be something nasty going on whenever a very close election is decided by a full count of ballots, regardless of whether they came by mail, from polling places, or simply involve al lot of provisional ballots that have to be verified. So clearly, if there's a barn full of ballots somewhere and they're just trucked in to tip the balance, that's an irresistible just-so story to explain why a Republican might lose. (Republicans who win in a late count simply won a rare clean election, obviously.)

Why would the Democratic fraudsters bother printing up ballots in China? Wouldn't those sleazy Dems fraudsters have the work done locally — by union thugs! — so there'd be no risk of the fake ballots being discovered in transit? Maybe they just love China — or hate American workers — so much they had to offshore the operation.

Or if Bachmann's saying this means China is initiating the scheme, how did China get its hooks into local Democratic officials? Haha, we are joking! If that's the case, it's because Dems are in cahoots with the ChiComs, just like when they prevented General MacArthur from winning the Korean War by nuking China.

How would making the plot more complicated, by routing all the bogus ballots through multiple countries, make it harder to detect, instead of creating more chokepoints where the fraud could be exposed? Again, this is a frivolous question, since any fool knows all the foreign countries are against the USA, and would happily advance any scheme to promote the globalist agenda.

As we say, we think maybe there are a few problems with Bachmann's theory here. On the other hand, it's probably much easier for wingnuts to believe than the possibility that a majority of voters might ever prefer to elect a Democrat. That's just crazy talk.

[Right Wing Watch / Brennan Center for Justice / AP]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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