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Michele Bachmann's House No Longer In Michele Bachmann's District

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Here we were getting all excited about the consequences of Minnesota's new congressional map on Michele Bachmann's career, but alas, she's running away from her competition! The state has thrown Bachmann and veteran Democratic Rep. Betty McCollum's homes into the new 4th District. We would've had a delightful race on ours hands, especially -- as angry commenters on all these Minnesota newspaper sites we've been reading keep howling -- after Bachmann spent a full year calling herself a proud Iowan who loves Iowa more than ever her Dominionist Ultra-Jesus. But no, Bachmann will instead run in her old 6th District, even though she no longer lives there. What a wuss! Why does Michele Bachmann hate her house so much?


Bachmann, the Star-Tribune reports, has yet to decide whether she'll schlep husband Funbags Bachmann and their small national militia of children a few miles over to the district that she plans to represent in the United States Congress:

"I'm announcing today that I will be running in the 6th Congressional district. I'll continue my service to the people in the district where I essentially went to junior high, high school, college, had my babies born and we built our business and we have our church and our family," Bachmann said.

Members of Congress don't have to live in the district they represent, so Bachmann is free to run wherever she likes in Minnesota. She said she has not yet decided if she will move her home into the new district.

"That decision will be made. I'm not sure what we will be doing on that front," she said.

Why couldn't they have squeezed her in Muslim Rep. Keith Ellison's district? That would have been what we in the biz call a "political race that we in the biz enjoy covering."

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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