Michelle Obama, Bernie And ... John Kasich? Well, OK ... Oh My! Your DNC Night One Livestream
Hell Yeah Dancing GIF by Election 2016

What a weird year this is. Usually, at convention time, at least one of us Wonkettes would be in whatever city where they're having whatever convention, in the middle of the action. This year, because of the pandemic, the action is ... right here, baby! In our living room! And also in yours!

Our living room has a lot of laundry in it right now because ... oh fuck it, you don't care why. It's a mess.

But tonight is the first night of the Democratic National Convention, and we are ready to WATCH IT ON THE TV while we GO THROUGH THESE CLOTHES AND DECIDE WHICH ONES WE'RE GIVING TO GOODWILL. Very sexxxxxy!

So here's the information you need to know about tonight, and then at the bottom, there will be a livestream, for you to all watch it together while we go through clothes and ignore y'all asses entirely.

What Time Things Happening?

In a few minutes! The festivities, where all the speakers will be beaming in from their mom's basements, start at 9 p.m. Eastern, which is "time" in other time zones. Shit will theoretically be over by 11.

What Is On HGTV Tonight, Not That We Are Going To Channel Surf The Boring Parts Just Kidding Yes We Are

It's all "Love It Or List It." You know, the one where the couple is having a FIGHT over whether they want to buy a new house or stay in their current, newly renovated house, after setting unrealistic expectations with the budgets they give Hilary Farr, the designer, and the other one, the real estate guy.

If you are more of a "food" person than an "HGTV" person, we keep seeing ads for that show where Amy Schumer learns to cook, which is called "Amy Schumer Learns To Cook," on the Food Network.

But Really, You Should Watch The Convention, If Only To Fuck With Donald Trump By Giving It YOOOOOOGE Ratings

And doesn't THIS sound delightful? The DNC explains the theme for MONDAY:

This country is confronting a series of monumental challenges. The COVID-19 pandemic continues its rampage, tens of millions of people are out of work, and America is confronting the racial injustice that has marginalized too many people. Throughout our history, when we stand united, we can overcome anything. On Monday, we'll hear from the many Americans who are rising up to take on these three crises, unite our country, and join Joe Biden in rebuilding the country and moving it forward.

Well, that's nice.

For the first hour, expect to hear from senators Amy Klobuchar, Catherine Cortez-Masto and Doug Jones; governors Andrew Cuomo and Gretchen Whitmer; and reps. Gwen Moore and Jim Clyburn. Also Republican John Kasich. You know, because reasons.

(Look, part of the whole deal is that a number of Republicans are probably going to vote for Joe Biden, the way they didn't for Hillary Clinton. We hope it happens that way.)

For the second hour, it's going to be Bernie Sanders and then the keynote, from Michelle Obama.

That is enough reason to watch (the second hour of) Monday night all by itself!

Also there are other people! We did not list them, because we love them! (GET IT, THAT IS AN HGTV JOKE.)

OK Fine, Where Can We Watch It?

Right here! And on regular channels, for the keynotes, and on the cable news, for all of it.

Or like, in the middle of our laundry pile in the living room, but if you watch it from there, you better be prepared to help sort laundry, and just kidding, you are not invited to our house.

Here is your video!

Watch NBC News NOW Live - August 17www.youtube.com

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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