Michelle Obama Is In Charge of All Fashion, Forever
Michelle was up to her usual hijinx last week, sending out e-mails reminding America to vote in that upcoming election thing, taking another busload of children around the White House vegetable garden, and wearing nice clothes. Apparently, that last thing is very important to some people at theHarvard Business Review, who decided to write some hoity-toity nerd-speak about our FLOTUS’ effect on stock prices and market variations and blah blah blah. At least they also drew pictures, to demonstrate how anything our FLOTUS wears instantly turns to gold.
It all began when she put that green J.Crew glove on the Lincoln Bible, and Preppy Jesus smiled down from the Heavens, in his khaki pants.
Professor David Yermack of NYU’s Stern School found that following 189 public appearances between November 2008 and December 2009, Michelle Obama created $2.7 billion in cumulative abnormal returns—value over and above normal market variations—for fashion and retail companies associated with the clothes she wore.
This probably sounds like good news. But in reality, Michelle is not simply accessorizing her way to a better economy. She is actually picking the clothes she likes, and then not picking clothes she doesn’t like, to punish the fools who created them.
Obama’s effect is partly a redistribution of value. While the brands she chooses gain value, investors punish a competitive sample of companies who make and sell clothes she doesn’t wear.
Fashion designers everywhere are now cowering in terror, building shrines with their Vogue magazines and praying to Heidi Klum that Michelle will decide to come shopping. One such fashion person is Tommy Hilfiger, who is famous for clothes with his little flag on them. And also sweatshops.
Tommy Hilfiger had a message for First Lady Michelle Obama on Wednesday night: He’s available to dress her. Hilfiger issued the offer to the First Lady at a charity fashion runway event to benefit the National Capital Chapter of the National MS Society.
“I’d like to dress her up,” he said of Obama. “She leans toward my casual clothes. I don’t think she knows I make dressy, formal clothes.”
Blair Burke (email@example.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move for "The FLOTUS Files," which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.