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Michelle Obama Said A Mean About Donald Trump And Made Him Cry

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Michelle Obama has written a memoir, Becoming, that you should all pre-order right now so you can rejoice in the majesty of her life. She's always been real, unlike the current cubic zirconia first lady, so you might wonder how much real-er she can manage to be. Well, Obama easily ascends to the top of the Cheryl Lynn scale of realness when she reveals that she suffered a miscarriage 20 years ago that left her feeling "lost" and "alone." She also shares for the first time that both her daughters, Malia and Sasha, were conceived through in vitro fertilization.


This is stunning and yet relatable to so many women who've experienced it. Obama discussed the matter further in an interview today with Robin Roberts on ABC's "Good Morning America." She said it's "important to talk to young mothers about the fact that miscarriages happen." After her loss, she felt like she'd "failed" somehow because no one talks about how "common" miscarriages are (between 15 to 25 percent of all recognized pregnancies), and women wind up wrongly thinking that they're "broken" somehow.

I know women who are trying to conceive through IVF, and so many will appreciate Obama sharing her story and perhaps will find it a source of strength and hope as they go through this grueling, nerve-wracking process.

Obama also gets real in Becoming about the human stain who famously claimed her husband wasn't a "real" American. Before he was a fake president and was just a fake businessman on TV, Donald Trump had pushed the absurd conspiracy theory that Barack Obama's birth certificate was a fake. Few if any Republicans had the courage to rebuke it lest they offend their racist, Obama-loathing base. Then-presidential candidate, now Utah Senator-elect Mitt Romney even accepted a public endorsement from Trump. Worse, when Trump himself ran for president, his Republican primary opponents preferred to condemn him for having once been a registered Democrat. They never mentioned nor seemed to care that he believed some crackpot flat-earth theory that wasn't even as plausible as the rumor that an elderly Marilyn Monroe worked at an Athens, Georgia, Waffle House in the 1990s. (I might have started that rumor, but I'm convinced it was her.)

The whole [birther] thing was crazy and mean-spirited, of course, its underlying bigotry and xenophobia hardly concealed. But it was also dangerous, deliberately meant to stir up the wingnuts and kooks," she writes. "What if someone with an unstable mind loaded a gun and drove to Washington? What if that person went looking for our girls? Donald Trump, with his loud and reckless innuendos, was putting my family's safety at risk. And for this I'd never forgive him."

Trump naturally went into a rage when told of Obama's comments this morning. What's with the black lady acting like a restaurant spat in her sushi or something?

Trump pointed out that Obama "got paid a lot of money to write a book." Well, yeah, duh -- was she supposed to do it for free? Even the Huffington Post pays writers now. Man, racists hate to see a sister make bank: "Look at her earning money while Chicago burns! And the clothes she wears! Those aren't rags. Where are the rags!"

He claims without evidence that Obama is just stirring up controversy because that what book publishers "insist" you do. But, unlike Trump's life, Obama's life is actually compelling and not an empty shell of an existence. It's Melanie Trump who'll need to create some controversy for her likely memoir, I Never Thought He'd Live This Long, Seriously, How Is He Still Alive? What Kind Of A Sin Could A Woman Commit In A Single Lifetime To Bring This Upon Herself?

Trump's just mad because Becoming contains the following description of a real president: "As soon as I allowed myself to feel anything for Barack, the feelings came rushing — a toppling blast of lust, gratitude, fulfillment, wonder."

Damn, girl! Melanie likes to steal Michelle's words but if she tried to say something similar about Trump, there's not enough Botox in the world to help her get through the sentence with a straight face.

Seriously, though, Obama writes her ass off in this memoir. Some of the previewed passages are a blazing truth fire.

I carried a history with me, and it wasn't that of presidents or first ladies. I'd never related to the story of John Quincy Adams the way I did to that of Sojourner Truth.

Look at her poking the wasp's nest of WASP resentment!

Conservatives believe black Americans should idolize white historical figures as God intended and then never dare play them on stage. She sent Bill O'Reilly into spasms of stupidity after she pointed out that slaves built the White House. Now she dares to confess the connects more with black freedom fighters than white founding fathers. Tucker Carlson is gonna be lit tonight.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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