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Michelle Obama Said A Mean About Donald Trump And Made Him Cry

Culture

Michelle Obama has written a memoir, Becoming, that you should all pre-order right now so you can rejoice in the majesty of her life. She's always been real, unlike the current cubic zirconia first lady, so you might wonder how much real-er she can manage to be. Well, Obama easily ascends to the top of the Cheryl Lynn scale of realness when she reveals that she suffered a miscarriage 20 years ago that left her feeling "lost" and "alone." She also shares for the first time that both her daughters, Malia and Sasha, were conceived through in vitro fertilization.


This is stunning and yet relatable to so many women who've experienced it. Obama discussed the matter further in an interview today with Robin Roberts on ABC's "Good Morning America." She said it's "important to talk to young mothers about the fact that miscarriages happen." After her loss, she felt like she'd "failed" somehow because no one talks about how "common" miscarriages are (between 15 to 25 percent of all recognized pregnancies), and women wind up wrongly thinking that they're "broken" somehow.

I know women who are trying to conceive through IVF, and so many will appreciate Obama sharing her story and perhaps will find it a source of strength and hope as they go through this grueling, nerve-wracking process.

Obama also gets real in Becoming about the human stain who famously claimed her husband wasn't a "real" American. Before he was a fake president and was just a fake businessman on TV, Donald Trump had pushed the absurd conspiracy theory that Barack Obama's birth certificate was a fake. Few if any Republicans had the courage to rebuke it lest they offend their racist, Obama-loathing base. Then-presidential candidate, now Utah Senator-elect Mitt Romney even accepted a public endorsement from Trump. Worse, when Trump himself ran for president, his Republican primary opponents preferred to condemn him for having once been a registered Democrat. They never mentioned nor seemed to care that he believed some crackpot flat-earth theory that wasn't even as plausible as the rumor that an elderly Marilyn Monroe worked at an Athens, Georgia, Waffle House in the 1990s. (I might have started that rumor, but I'm convinced it was her.)

The whole [birther] thing was crazy and mean-spirited, of course, its underlying bigotry and xenophobia hardly concealed. But it was also dangerous, deliberately meant to stir up the wingnuts and kooks," she writes. "What if someone with an unstable mind loaded a gun and drove to Washington? What if that person went looking for our girls? Donald Trump, with his loud and reckless innuendos, was putting my family's safety at risk. And for this I'd never forgive him."

Trump naturally went into a rage when told of Obama's comments this morning. What's with the black lady acting like a restaurant spat in her sushi or something?

Trump pointed out that Obama "got paid a lot of money to write a book." Well, yeah, duh -- was she supposed to do it for free? Even the Huffington Post pays writers now. Man, racists hate to see a sister make bank: "Look at her earning money while Chicago burns! And the clothes she wears! Those aren't rags. Where are the rags!"

He claims without evidence that Obama is just stirring up controversy because that what book publishers "insist" you do. But, unlike Trump's life, Obama's life is actually compelling and not an empty shell of an existence. It's Melanie Trump who'll need to create some controversy for her likely memoir, I Never Thought He'd Live This Long, Seriously, How Is He Still Alive? What Kind Of A Sin Could A Woman Commit In A Single Lifetime To Bring This Upon Herself?

Trump's just mad because Becoming contains the following description of a real president: "As soon as I allowed myself to feel anything for Barack, the feelings came rushing — a toppling blast of lust, gratitude, fulfillment, wonder."

Damn, girl! Melanie likes to steal Michelle's words but if she tried to say something similar about Trump, there's not enough Botox in the world to help her get through the sentence with a straight face.

Seriously, though, Obama writes her ass off in this memoir. Some of the previewed passages are a blazing truth fire.

I carried a history with me, and it wasn't that of presidents or first ladies. I'd never related to the story of John Quincy Adams the way I did to that of Sojourner Truth.

Look at her poking the wasp's nest of WASP resentment!

Conservatives believe black Americans should idolize white historical figures as God intended and then never dare play them on stage. She sent Bill O'Reilly into spasms of stupidity after she pointed out that slaves built the White House. Now she dares to confess the connects more with black freedom fighters than white founding fathers. Tucker Carlson is gonna be lit tonight.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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