Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Hires Fancy New Lawyers, Just In Case He's A Giant Criminal

We won't, we promise.

[contextly_sidebar id="D2AtdNgDIRYpuK9ZBF0dXjyKP7wPxu2Q"]Rick Snyder, governor of Michigan, has been telling us for a million days now how it's not HIS fault the water in Flint is made of lead mucus pube sludge. It's the feds' fault! It's the government's fault! (Huh?) Or maybe like Fox News said, it's Barack Obama's fault, because something something THE BLACKS! (Even more HUH?) The point is he is the most innocent of all innocents, and that's why he needs some expensive private lawyers, one of whom specializes in criminal defense:

Eugene Driker, a civil defense attorney, and Brian Lennon, a criminal defense attorney, were each awarded a contract worth $249,000 through Dec. 31, after which those contracts can be extended, Snyder spokesman Ari Adler told the Free Press.

The contracts, which are to be paid with state funds, are just below the $250,000 threshold for contracts requiring approval from the State Administrative Board, which meets in public to approve state contracts and grants. Adler said that was by design because the governor wanted to hire the attorneys quickly in early February. The administration will be going to the State Administrative Board on March 8, seeking approval for additional spending on the contract with Lennon, he said.

[contextly_sidebar id="fHjsRcBqHtHKqtykv3OQrRgTR3yM2QVP"]It is probably a complete coincidence that the going fee in Lansing for sexy private lawyers is exactly one thousand dollars less than $250,000. And lest you think, wow, why does Snyder need a criminal attorney, is there a possibility he might get to go to jail forever and ever? Haha, silly, it's because the criminal lawyer is really good at reading document dumps like the thousands of emails the Snyder administration released, several of which SEEM to suggest the governor is not saying truths about whether he knew about Flint's little problem. He's just there to help!

"We do not believe there will be a need for criminal defense, because the governor and his administration have not committed any crimes," Adler said. But a firm like Warner Norcross & Judd, where Lennon is a partner, "has the ability to assist with quickly reviewing a massive amount of documents."

We also hear he's pretty good at making bejeweled Marie Antoinette-style birthday cakes too, the kind Snyder's wife likes to have on her birthday. As usual, there is nothing to see here, so move along, move along!

[Detroit Free Press]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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