All You Need To Know About Monday's Kraken Lawyer Hearing Is That One Of Them Started Crying

All You Need To Know About Monday's Kraken Lawyer Hearing Is That One Of Them Started Crying

Sidney Powell did not start crying.

There was a big important hearing in a Michigan courtroom yesterday. US District Court Judge Linda Parker was tasked with overseeing the request for sanctions brought by Detroit and the state of Michigan against all the Kraken lawyers trying to overturn the free and fair election Donald Trump lost — Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Howard Kleinhendler, Julia Haller, and five other idiots. Over the course of six hours, things did not go well for those Trump Kraken idiot lawyers.

Indeed, some of them might actually face some serious consequences for what they've done in Michigan and around the country, if yesterday's hearing was any indication. At the very least they could have to pay all Michigan's and Detroit's court costs. Or these idiots could get banned from practicing law in Michigan and the judge could recommend disbarment proceedings. Consequences! They seem to be going around!

Also one of them cried during the hearing. Julia Haller cried a lot. Weep weep for the crying Kraken lawyer!

At issue were all those nutbag "affidavits" the Kraken lawyers brought to the court in Michigan with their request that Michigan's results be undone, seemingly drunk scribblings from any two-bit moron willing to write on paper that they MAYBE saw a Democrat hide a godly Trump ballot inside their bottom. Judge Parker was the one who threw that suit out with the garbage in December, and now she for some reason wanted to know if the Kraken lawyers did any due diligence on those affidavits, tried to check any of their claims at all.

"There's a duty that counsel has that when you're submitting a sworn statement . . . that you have reviewed it, that you had done some minimal due diligence," she said.

No fair, due diligence is for real lawyers and liberals!

But really, though. Judge Parker wanted to know if they'd done ... anything ... to check on any of the bullshit they dragged into her courtroom:

The judge noted that one observer stated in an affidavit that she believed she saw election workers switching votes from Trump to Biden. Parker asked whether any of the lawyers had spoken to the witness and inquired what exactly she saw that led her to believe that votes had been switched. She was greeted with silence.

"Anyone?" she asked again.

When no one answered a second time, she said: "Let the record reflect that no one made that inquiry, which was central to [the] allegation."

She focused on another statement from a witness who swore he saw individuals placing clear plastic bags into a mail truck — and said he believed the bags "could be ballots" headed for Detroit's counting facility.

The judge called that allegation "really fantastical" and "speculative."

"I don't think I've really ever seen an affidavit that has made so many leaps," she said. "My question to counsel here is, how could any of you as officers of the court present this type of an affidavit?"

Andrew Feinberg was watching the proceedings play out, and his live-tweeting was freaking hilarious.

Uh, ma'am? Those appear to be groceries.

Sidney Powell found 960 people as batshit as she is, WHERE'S HER CROWN?

And then of course there was the crying:

From Feinberg's writeup:

Her voice broke as she attempted to defend herself by claiming that it was wrong to hold her and her colleagues accountable for what their witnesses had already said under oath in documents when they had not been able to present that evidence in a hearing.

"I would just briefly say that this was a complaint. We had good faith to attach exhibits ... and I simply am confused as to the standard that's being applied when it comes to filing a complaint, because this was not a verified complaint. I'm a little confused at the standard, we did not submit falsehoods and we have not had an opportunity to have our witnesses examined," she said.

So that happened.

As the Post notes, Sidney Powell was proud to call this very good case her baby, as was attorney Howard Kleinhendler. Lin Wood, meanwhile, was like I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM HERE! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH THIS CASE BESIDES PUT MY NAME ON IT! I AM A SANE PERSON! (That is not an exact quote.)

At the end, Powell actually said these words about how she was just like one of those lawyers in Brown v. Board of Education.

POWELL: It is the duty of lawyers of the highest tradition of the practice of law to raise difficult and even unpopular issues. The fact that there may have been adverse precedent against us does not change that fact. Were that true, there would not have been a decision called Brown v. Board of Education. We have practiced law with the highest standards. We would file the same complaints again.

She did it, and she'd do it again!

Another highlight of the proceedings was when Donald Campbell, representing the Kraken lawyers, screamed "I am not a potted plant!" (There was a LOT of yelling, reportedly.)

If you hired these lawyers to get you out of a speeding ticket, you'd end up having to plead out and you'd still somehow manage to get life without parole.

Please disbar these idiots.

[Washington Post / Independent]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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