Michigan Sheriff Wins Prize For Today's Dumbest Election Suit — And The Competition Was STIFF!

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These election lawsuits are like freaking kudzu! You whack it back to the roots, and five minutes later you look down to find another insidious vine snaking around your leg. To wit, SHARPIEGATE RIDES AGAIN! Only this time, even dumber and less credibly.

Check out this lawsuit Michigan Sheriff Dar Leaf just barfed onto the federal docket. Sheriff Leaf, who keeps Barry County (pop. 61,157) safe from rapscallions, hooligans, and other assorted varmints, asserts standing by virtue of his "responsibility for investigating, pursuing any illegal activity including election law [sic] for example M.C.L 168.520, M.C.L 168.941, and U.S.C. 18 § 2071."

But how is the federal court the appropriate venue to address an issue of state law, you are wondering? And good for you! After a solid month of reading these gobbledygook lawsuits, you're learning all the tricks. Was your next question about the doctrine of laches, since Sheriff Leaf appears to have slept on "his" rights by waiting 33 days since the election to contest the results? You're so very clever!

Note the scare quotes around "his" because, even accepting for the moment (but absolutely no longer!) that Sheriff Leaf has standing to sue on behalf of the citizens of Barry County to "reveal the systematic attempts at mass fraud throughout the State of Michigan and United States of America," many of his affidavits come from voters residing in Wayne County. Oopsie poopsie.

Take for instance one Susan Considine, a 60-year-old resident of Livonia, Michigan. Ms. Considine brought her mail-in ballot to her polling place, whereupon the poll worker took it and wrote "SURRENDERED" on it and told her to go cast another ballot. Was this because Ms. Considine was physically surrendering her mail-in ballot and exercising her right to vote in person, or because the poll worker saw that she had voted for Donald Trump? WE MAY NEVER KNOW!

Oh, God, the suspense is killing us! What happened next, Susan? Did the poll workers tell you to cast your ballot in disappearing ink? Was there a trap door that dropped all the GOP voters into a hole at the center of the earth from which they've only just emerged to file this lawsuit a month after the election? Was it ... oh, no, not the New Black Panther Party!


So, Susan voted on a Dominion machine with a Sharpie. And she doesn't know whether it counted despite this particular bit of nonsense being debunked over and over and over again. The end.

Well, what else ya got, Dar?




Oh, hey! So this guy says his father died in April of 2020 and still received an absentee ballot in the mail. Did anyone actually use it to cast a fraudulent vote? Is this the evidence we've been waiting for, 'bout to blow this whole election wide open?

Apparently not. In fact, aside from these warmed over Sharpiegate allegations from people who may or may not have spent too much time sniffing markers, all Sheriff Leaf is bringing to the table is a couple people who spent a lot of time yelling at county officials because they don't seem to know the difference between a sample ballot and the real thing. And here on Planet Earth, that wouldn't cut it as evidence in a court of law, even if the plaintiffs had standing and federal court were the appropriate venue. Which they don't, and it's not.

But before we say BYE, BITCH to Michigan's dumbest law man — We hope! Dear God, there can't be another one dumber than this! — let's pause to note that this isn't the first time Sheriff Leaf received national attention for being a flaming sack of dogshit. Johnny "I am the Law" railed against Governor Gretchen Whitmer's lockdown orders and even wondered aloud if those naughty boys who tried to kidnap her and shoot her in the head were perhaps just misunderstood.

"A lot of people are angry with the governor and they want her arrested," he told the Battle Creek Fox affiliate. "So were they trying to arrest, or was it a kidnap attempt? Because you can still, in Michigan, if it's a felony, you can make a felony arrest."

He was silent on exactly what felony the governor was guilty of that would justify a bunch of armed men stalking her vacation home and amassing explosives to blow up a bridge to keep law enforcement from accessing the scene.

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel has had it up to here with this shit. And so have we.



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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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