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Huck's North Korea joke really bombed. Get it? BOMBED.


Mike Huckabee's brought his comedy stylings to the electric Twitter box again, and as always, he manages to take a timely topic, add a rightwing obsession, and come up with pure comedic gold:

Get it? Maxine Waters is such an annoying ol' liberal biddy that after just a little time talking with her, Kim Jong Un would drink a nice cup of neuorotoxin, am I right, folks? Sadly, it wasn't a video, so we missed out on what no doubt would have been Huck's hilarious Maxine Waters impression.

Huckabee's joke-like utterances are pretty sophisticated; the important element is to drag in some cliche from rightwing blog comments and adapt it to Current Events, like this pair of witticisms about Al Gore's new movie, which is failing at the box office because Americans know global warming is hooey:

We'd like to offer our readers their very own Mike Huckabee Tweet Generator: Just take any current event, add in a nonsequitur about some figure rightwingers can't stand, and you've got a joke. Extra points if you can throw in an ethnic stereotype!

OK, let's try a riff on the FBI raid of Paul Manafort's home:

"The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's home to look for her 30K missing emails, but all they found was a stained blue dress."

See? It's easy to be as funny as Mike Huckabee, since you don't really have to think much at all. Let's try another, maybe about Manafort's son-in-law, who's talking to federal prosecutors:

"It's terrible the feds made Manafort's SIL testify against him. I'd never testify against my dog-killing son. Benghazi!"

Fine, they can't all be classics.

Yr Wonkette would like to encourage the former governor and failed presidential candidate to step up his comedy game: If he can put together a 15 minute set and not get booed off the stage during open mic night at any major New York comedy club -- The Comedy Cellar, Gotham Comedy Club, Old Man Hustle, or People's Improv, let's say -- we will award him $3150. That'll be paid by Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, who owes us. We doubt Huck would be up to it, though:

See, he would not want to do comedy in a foreign country that is not even America, haw-haw! Sorry, Huck. If you want to collect Jim Hoft's money, an appearance in Branson doesn't count.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the "Donate" linky to help us buy a brick wall for Huck to stand in front of.

[Mike Huckabee on Twitter]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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