He's as mad as heck

Wait hold up, is this the SECOND TIME IN TWO DAYS we have had a headline about Mike Huckabee being fuller of deep-fried badger shit than the buffet table at the Huckabee family reunion? It is! And here y'all probably were thinkin' he had fallen into a diabetic coma a couple years back and you forgot to send a Get Well Soon card.

Huckabee went to the Fox News to say another stupid, about the horseshit made-up right-wing plot to undermine the Robert Mueller investigation, which is that Peter Strzok, a guy who used to work for Robert Mueller, sent VERY NORMAL texts to his FBI girlfriend during the campaign about how Donald Trump is an idiot and a disaster and unfit for the presidency. GOP idiots want us to think these are radical opinions, as opposed to opinions based in fact and shared by all patriotic Americans with three numbers in their IQ scores. (No really, Trump's approval rating is 32%, and among those with a college degree that number drops to 30%, with a full 66% hating Trump's dumb fucking ass. He's even starting to lose Fox News viewers.)

The fact Mueller fired Strzok the second he heard about these sexts is not relevant to Huckabee/Fox News/GOP idiots, because that would undermine the case their feeble brains are trying to make.

Let us see what Bubba Dipshit has to say about TEXT MESSAGES and COUPS, lovingly transcribed by Media Matters:

MIKE HUCKABEE: [Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein] can hide behind the fact that, “Well, we’re still investigating.” Fine. But at some point we've got to turn the lights on here, and the lights so far don't look real good for the Justice Department. And when you, first of all, have a couple of people who signed up to be on the Mueller investigation who were lovers ...

LOVERS. Like with the "P" and the "V" and everything!

... and you wonder about the interoffice policy about that kind of thing. Secondly, who has time to exchange 10,000 texts?

Oh grandpa.

And they weren't simple political opinions. These were texts that went into great detail, speaking of the president in the most incredibly vile, vulgar way, and even talking about how they want to make sure there is an insurance plan to see that he doesn't get elected. Sandra, this is way beyond a political opinion. This is an intent to stage what essentially amounts to a coup d'etat of the highest elected office in the United States of America.

A COUP! A literal TEXT MESSAGE COUP featuring two people who are boning saying Donald Trump is a piece of shit! Is political sexting even legal in America?

Huckabee added that "this stuff smells worse than a feed lot at a hog farm," so if you were about to whine at us for making fun of asshole's Southern colloquialisms, why don't you pre-emptively get off our also-Arkansan dick?

The host, Sandra Smith, noted with alarm that Peter Strzok STILL WORKS AT THE FBI in human resources, which means CONSPIRACY!111!!!!1, because apparently she doesn't know HR is where careers go to die.

Anyway, we write this LOL post about Mike Huckabee to explore one of the sexts these idiots are seizing on, which said this:

“I want to believe the path you threw out for consideration in Andy’s office — that there’s no way he gets elected — but I’m afraid we can’t take that risk,” wrote Strzok. “It’s like an insurance policy in the unlikely event you die before you’re 40.”

Jonathan Chait points out at New York Magazine that it's really hard to tell what the hell Strzok was talking about there without the necessary context of seeing the texts around it, and DOJ isn't letting us do that. But, Chait explains, we can do some deductive reasoning based on what was going on at the FBI at the time, as it was openly investigating Hillary Clinton, while being SHHHHHH about how it was also investigating Trump campaign ties to Russia, in the middle of election season:

... [T]he Bureau’s mind-set at the time does provide a context that would seem to explain what he wrote. The FBI was internally justifying its disparate treatment of the two candidates on the grounds that Trump stood no chance of success. That was the conclusion of the New York Times’ deep dive from April explaining why [James] Comey allowed Clinton to be treated as a putative criminal but not Trump. “In my mind at the time, Clinton is likely to win,” Comey aide Michael Steinbach told the paper. “It’s pretty apparent. So what happens after the election, in November or December? How do we say to the American public: ‘Hey, we found some things that might be problematic. But we didn’t tell you about it before you voted’? The damage to our organization would have been irreparable.”

That assumption, “there’s no way he gets elected,” is the one Strzok criticized in his offending text. The policy he appears to have been arguing against is one of treating Clinton more harshly than Trump on the grounds that Trump was bound to lose anyway. Of course, we now know Strzok’s concern about a Bureau strategy premised on Trump losing for sure was completely correct.

He was trying to protect the integrity of the FBI for all eventualities, and refusing to engage in the wishful thinking of "THERE'S NO WAY TRUMP WILL GET ELECTED!" And now we are in the precise situation Strzok was worried about, where Trump -- by some combination of dumb luck, Russia, the Electoral College, Russia, the FBI's actual bias against Hillary Clinton during the campaign, and also too Russia -- got elected, and the great swath of Americans who don't read Mother Jones or Wonkette had no clue Trump was LITERALLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR CONSPIRING WITH AN ENEMY POWER TO SUBVERT AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.

One more thing, about another of Peter Strzok's allegedly "problematic" texts:

HYPOTHESIS: Peter Strzok has more patriotic bones in his pinky finger than Mike Huckabee, the dicksnorting fuckwaffles on Fox News, the GOP members of the United States Congress, and the current squatters in the White House have in their whole entire bodies.

Ponder that, fools.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Media Matters / New York Magazine]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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