MyPillow Guy Gonna Drop Big Pillows With Leeeeetle Tiny Parachutes For Canadian Truck Whiners!

It stands to reason that Mike Lindell, the MyPillow Guy, is very concerned about the namby pamby whinyass white baby trucker convoy up there in Canada, the ones who are being astroturfed into a fake "movement" from abroad, but may yet commit very real violence.

Why do we say it stands to reason? Uhhhh, because they're all fuckin' losers and dorks. The MyPillow Guy had already tried to send a truck up to deliver free shitty pillows and Bibles to the shitty truckers, and he tried to go himself. Unfortunately he was reportedly turned away because he wasn't vaxxed and couldn't show a recent negative PCR test, and his pillow and Bible truck was turned away because his trucker didn't have the required test.

But hey it's OK, Mike Lindell is a smart man and Mike Lindell has solutions. He now says he's going to drop his dumb shitty pillows out of a helicopter. No word on if he's also going to fling Bibles out of helicopters. That could hurt!

Also, if you're worried it hasn't occurred to Lindell that even something as lush and soft as MyPillows could break somebody's neck if it was dropped out of the sky, it's occurred to him:

The pillow maven told The Daily Beast late Wednesday night that he intends to drop his pillows into Canada from a helicopter “with little parachutes” attached. “We need to get the MyPillows to the people!” he continued.

Leeeeeeeeetle tiny individual parachutes!

Make sure you say the part about the parachutes!

The 2020 election dead-ender further made it a point to ensure The Daily Beast noted in this report that the pillows will have “little parachutes,” adding, “make sure you put that part in, or it could be dangerous.”

And he says this is literally happening, later this morning we guess:

Asked where exactly he intended to drop the pillows, he said, “I can not give the location out, and it is no joke! I just confirmed with them [the helicopter company], and yes, this is the plan. We have the helicopter confirmed, but we are moving the time up to 11 am.”

At 11 a.m. the fluffy pillow bombings begin. God bless us, everyone.

If you'd like to watch six minutes of the MyPillow Guy on Newsmax talking to that one really square-faced weenus anchor who reminds us of a pomeranian with little tiny adorable anger issues, click below. Lindell rants about Justin Trudeau being an "evil dictator," and they also talk about that hilarious thing where one of Lindell's banks in Minnesota is shutting him down to save its reputation. Indeed, the accounts might be closed by the end of business tomorrow!

You should hear Lindell talking about how inspiring his unvaxxed Canadian employees are, as they're being denied their sacred right to go out to dinner, because "none of them wanna get vaccinated." The squeaky little anchor agrees that unvaxxed Canadian MyPillow employees and the truckers are "an inspiration to so many people."

Sure thing, you guys. That's definitely what people think of all of this. You bet.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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