One of these things is not like the others ...

One of these things doesn't belong.

Can you guess which one is not like the others ...

By the time I finish this song?

If you guessed ONE OF THESE GUYS IS A MASSIVE FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH NO REGARD FOR HIS FELLOW MAN, then congratulations!


This morning our esteemed Vice President Mike Pence visited the Mayo Clinic, which is undertaking a "moonshot" to scale up Minnesota's diagnostics to produce those millions of tests Pence promised were ready to ship weeks ago.

The VP, who has been spearheading the White House's coronavirus response since Secretary of Health and Human Services Alex Azar found his head on a spear, was informed that the hospital has a strict masking policy for everyone on the premises.

But they probably didn't mean the guy second in line to the presidency. And certainly not when he has to appear on camera! You couldn't possibly expect a VIP like Mike Pence to wear a mask on television during a pandemic. It might scare people. Or worse yet, muss his hair!

Mayo has since deleted this tweet and referred all questions to the Vice President's office, because REASONS.

Obviously, this VIP rule does not apply to lesser grandees like Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, who joined the (still maskless) VP at a press conference after the hospital tour.

Look, the important thing isn't who breathed coronavirus germs on whom. And it's not important who set a horrible example for the millions of Americans who will have to get used to wearing masks if they want to safely and legally go to the grocery store any time in the next three months. The important thing is that the White House is taking the COVID-19 pandemic VERY SERIOUSLY now that the death toll in America has topped 57,000.

Not, like, seriously enough to take any real public health measures or do a damn thing to protect the supply chain for medical equipment and PPE. But seriously in terms of electoral consequences in November. Which is close enough, right?

UPDATE: The Veep has issued a statement saying that, as he and all his staff are "tested for the coronavirus on a regular basis," he opted to go maskless out of GRATITUDE to the hospital staff. Take that, haters!

And since I don't have the coronavirus, I thought it'd be a good opportunity for me to be here, to be able to speak to these researchers, these incredible healthcare personnel, and look them in the eye and say "thank you."

Which sounds to us like a guy saying he doesn't wear condoms because he likes to keep his hands free, but that's because we're heathens who hate the troops, freedom, America, THESE INCREDIBLE HEALTHCARE PERSONNEL.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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