Milo Yiannopoulos Claims Going Ex-Gay Made Dogs Stop Barking At Him

Gay Stuff

Figured a picture of Cujo would be more pleasant than a picture of Milo. You are welcome.

There was a time when there was reason to be legitimately afraid of Milo Yiannopoulos and his effect on the culture at large. He had a huge platform, adoring fans and acolytes, and a career that seemed to be dovetailing perfectly with the rise of Donald Trump. He was, perhaps more than anyone, made for that moment in time.

And now? Now he's just some putz who is so desperate for relevance that he decided not only to go ex-gay, but to be extremely weird about it. So why are we covering the stupid shit he does? Because it's Saturday and it's also my birthday and honestly this whole thing is too bizarre to pass up.

Because Milo's latest claim is that, uh, ever since he became ex-gay ... dogs have stopped barking at him.

Text:

When I made my announcement, the first thing that happened — which will make you laugh, but it's true — is dogs stopped barking at me. I am one of those people. You know, everyone's got that friend that dogs always go nuts around?[...] I was always one of those, and it sounds so stupid, but this is just how I think God reveals himself to us, right?

He really dug his heels into this theory, which made it all the more awkward when one of the TruNews hosts kept blowing up his spot by insisting that his own dog never barked at Milo.

But let's get this straight, no pun intended. Milo went his whole life with all of the dogs mysteriously barking at him for no reason. Then he decides he's gonna be straight. And he goes on whatever it is he went on and announces to the world that he is straight and even puts on a baseball cap to prove it.

And God — God goes to himself "Oh boy, how can I get this one guy to know I really approve of his decision to pretend to be a heterosexual? How, oh how do I do this? Do I send a gift basket? Maybe a nice bottle of wine? Do I help him get steady employment so he doesn't have to scream at whatever fans he has left to give him all their money so he can keep himself in fancy designer clothes? OH. I know. I will get all of the dogs to stop barking at him all of the time. That's the ticket!"

I admit that I have a highly limited understanding of how Christianity is supposed to work, but that just seems a little "off" to me. It's almost like he's trying super hard to pretend he got miracled in some capacity so he can hop on the Prosperity Gospel circuit and go around being a troll for Jesus. Or he's going off the deep end. One of the two.

OPEN THREAD!

[Right Wing Watch]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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