Donald Trump's latest thing is that there is a CARAVAN of MEXICAN RAPISTS who are coming to KILL YOU in SINGLE FILE. It's a bit ... um ... unhinged, but then again, everything about Donald Trump is unhinged.

Of course, there is a migrant caravan moving through Central America. They want to apply for refugee status, which is weird because hasn't Trump been trying his damnedest to turn America into a true shithole country nobody wants to go to? He sure has. And yet!

Trump upped the ante on Monday with a tweet declaring a "NATIONAL EMERGY" that stated that "unknown Middle Easterners" are embedded in the caravan, because why wouldn't terrorists join a very large, visible group of people who'll be immediately met by law enforcement if they make it to the US border at all? (CNN is trying not to laugh.) This is obviously part of the president's strategy to bring his voters out to the polls with pants full of fear and poop, because of the unknown Middle Eastern Mexican Central Americans who are coming to their house right now to KILL THEM ALL.

And would you be surprised to learn that his very stupid followers are buying what he is selling? No you would not.

The New York Times has a report on Trump's efforts, and the greater GOP's efforts, to scare the living fuck out of their racist voters so they will racistly go to the polls and pull the lever for some GOP racists on November 6. All the way down at the bottom of the article, we meet a Trump idiot named Carol who is literally scared that the migrants are coming to steal her house, and even worse than that, they are going to steal her friends' summer cottages. Oh, the horrors! Do you want to know where Carol lives?

Mr. Trump's dystopian imagery has clearly left an impression with some. Carol Shields, 75, a Republican in northern Minnesota, said she was afraid that migrant gangs could take over people's summer lake homes in the state.

"What's to stop them?" said Ms. Shields, a retired accountant. "We have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer and winter someplace else. When they come back in the spring, their house would be occupied."

First of all, bless Carol's heart. It's entirely possible she is kin to that lady who looked at John McCain and mumbled fearful words about how Barack Obama is an Arab, according to what she read on the bulletin board at her local Big Lots. It's also possible she is kin to Maybelle, the Roy Moore voter who can't wait to see what kind of kitchen appliances they have in heaven.

"What's to stop them," asked Carol, apparently unaware that she sounds literally fucking insane right now? Oh, just Mexican gangs and cartels and the US-Mexico border and Fox News vigilantes who hide in the bushes at the border trying to make sure people in need of refuge at the inn are turned away like a common Mary and Joseph. And then they'd have to cross Texas and Arkansas and Missouri and Iowa and go all the way up to the top of Minnesota, without being detected, so they can all violently move into Carol's house and Carol's friends' houses.

Hey, it could happen.

So sure, why not, fuck it, HEY, CARAVAN, ARE YOU LISTENING? Because the hottest free Airbnb in the whole country for thousands of undetected migrants traversing entire continents is probably Carol's house. We are guessing it's on Lake Superior, but it might be on one of the many other lakes up that-a-way. Hell, maybe it's not even Carol's house, because maybe Carol doesn't even have a lake house and she's just worried for the rich white people who decamp to southern climes when Minnesota's winter weather becomes unbearable, in late September or so.

Regardless, we imagine Carol's house has lots of bedrooms and can sleep a whole entire caravan at once, so don't worry about where you're going to lay your head! Want to Netflix 'n' chill with your entire caravan? Carol's probably ready for that too. We have no idea what her Netflix password is, but if we had to make an educated guess, we'd say it's "BRB shitting my pants about brown foreigners right now."

The best thing about Carol's place (ALLEGEDLY) is that she's expecting you! For real! (ALLEGEDLY!) She literally thinks thousands of people are going to walk from Central America to HER MINNESOTA HOUSE, and then insist on living there forever. So let's take her up on her hospitality!

Oh, Wonkette is just being silly. We are not going to make this happen.


Probably not, as we are literally busy with everything else in the world right now.

But just in case, we just printed out a really sexxxxy glossy brochure on Carol's house and we are going to Central America to give it to the caravan real fast, so BRB.

LOL just kidding, no we didn't.

The point of this post is GET A GRIP, CAROL.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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The pharmaceutical giant Gilead Sciences, Inc. -- heck of a name for these times -- recently announced US sales of a generic version of its HIV prevention drug Truvada would begin a year earlier than originally planned. The stepped-up schedule for the generic was at least in part the result of pressure from activists, who have made a lot of noise about the fact that Gilead's huge revenues from Truvada -- about $3 billion annually -- came only after the basic research for the drug was done at taxpayer expense, largely through grants from the Centers for Disease Control, which holds the patent on the drug.

At a House Oversight Committee hearing last week, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez let one of the witnesses, Gilead CEO Daniel O'Day, know she wasn't personally blaming him or his greed for the high cost of the drug, which prevents the spread of HIV through "pre-exposure prophylaxis" (PrEP). No, that's all a result of the terrible incentives that come from the fact that the US, alone among developed countries, treats healthcare as a commodity, not a right for all. Which is why a monthly supply of Truvada costs nearly $1800 here, and roughly eight dollars in Australia.

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