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Miss America Learns Not To Sleep With Gossip Columnists

Patrick Gavin & Miss America - WonketteThere are "life lessons" for all new beauty queens. Miss USA and Miss Teen USA learned it's best not to be caught having coked-up lesbian sex together, and new Miss America Lauren Nelson has learned it's best not to hook up with DC Examiner gossip Patrick Gavin, because he's just going to put it all in the paper.


Here's some of what Gavin learned during three hours of canoodling with America's Miss at the big Congress Dinner on Tuesday night and lunch at the Palm yesterday and whatever happened in the hours between:

* "I like Obama, she whispered."

* When asked to name her congressman, she took a really long time to answer with the names of her two senators.

* Didn't recognize anybody but Teddy Kennedy.

* This means Gavin probably claimed he was John Kennedy Jr.

* Both the president and her state's governor failed to congratulate her.

* She totally supports Walnuts' batshit legislation to make pornographic cartoons on the Internets a federal crime, "in part due to an experience she endured when younger."

This would've turned out so much better if Nelson had only hooked up with boozing adulterer Gavin Newsom instead.

(Miss) America loves Obama! [Examiner Yeas & Nays]

Earlier: Miss America Lowering Her Sights

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