In every way.

Doesn't it feel like we're taking a little bus tour of U.S. America these days, to see the new, enchanted ways everybody's coming up with to screw the gays and the BLTs? Today we are in Mississippi, where Republican Gov. Phil Bryant swiftly signed into law HB 1523 to protect those poor pitiful fundamentalist Christian whackjobs from having to breathe in the same space as gay people, if doing so would hurt their pathetic god's feelings:

The measure's stated intention is to protect those who believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman, that sexual relations should only take place inside such marriages, and that male and female genders are unchangeable.

"This bill merely reinforces the rights which currently exist to the exercise of religious freedom as stated in the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution," the Republican governor wrote in a statement posted to his Twitter account. [...]

The measure allows churches, religious charities and privately held businesses to decline services to people whose lifestyles violate their religious beliefs. Individual government employees may also opt out, although the measure says governments must still provide services.

Oh goody. If you believe that Cindy and Dale are going to hell for fuckin' on the first date, you can discriminate. If you believe Dale is going to hell for divorcing Cindy and remarrying Bubba, you can discriminate. If you believe it's super evil when Bubba announces one day that's always felt more like a Bubbette, inside, you can deny him services too. This is SO what Jesus had in mind when He preached constantly about feeding the poor and serving the outcasts and totally forgot to sniff around anybody's genitals throughout the WHOLE BIBLE.

Here are some other fun things HB 1523 does, aside from making sure toolbelt-clad lesbians don't put Sincere Religious Believing Christian Bakers in headlocks and force them to draw vaginal lips on top of cakes in exchange for cash:

  • Makes sure religious organizations can discriminate against LGBTs and fornicators in hiring, firing, leasing and selling property, YES WE SAID SELLING. Can't sell the old parsonage to the buttfuckers, they'll fuck each other butt-wise in it!
  • Makes sure adoption agencies and foster care providers can discriminate against EW GAYS. (Fun fact: this comes just a week after a federal judge struck down Mississippi's ban on adoption for homogay couples.)
  • Makes sure no person or entity with a sincere belief that transgenders are icky is forced to participate in anything -- "treatments, counseling, or surgeries" -- related to a person's decision to transition from the gender they were born with. BONUS: No helping with "psychological, counseling, or fertility services" for gay parents, if they don't wanna.
  • Makes sure it's not just the Christian Bakers who are safe now! This law provides that DJs, wedding planners, limo rental companies, dress makers, wedding venues, photographers, and even POETS YES WE SAID POETS are protected from having to be part of gay weddings. So take heart, all you Mississippi Creative Writin' Types: If you love Jesus, and a gaywad asks you to rewrite the Song Of Solomon to make it about his husband-to-be's super-bangin' cock and balls, you don't have to.
  • Makes sure the transgenders are banned from using potties all over the great state of Mississippi. OBVIOUSLY.
  • Makes sure, also too, that persons and entities are allowed to create "sex-specific standards or policies concerning employee or student dress or grooming," because some of these bitches be wearin' pants to work, yo.
  • Makes sure any Kim Davis county clerk types ain't gotta do nothin' they ain't feel like doin', so help them sweet Jesus, God willin' and the creek don't rise.

And so on! Mississippi, you are goddamned insane.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]This law actually seems worse than the piece of shit law North Carolina just passed, the one that's making businesses pull out of North Carolina like crazy.

But Mississippi might not have to worry about that because it's 50th place in everything, which means it doesn't have an awful lot of "business interests" worth writing about.

In short, Mississippi is welcome to fuck right off and go to hell, just like North Carolina.

[CBS / HB 1523]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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