Mitch McConnell Is A Shifty-Eyed Goobledonker (Also His Op-Ed Sucks)

If the world was a reasonable place, it would be entirely illegal to be as self -serving and full of shit as Mitch McConnell. In a desperate and pitiful play to shame Democrats into folding over like a bunch of beach chairs and coalescing around the Trump Train, that shifty-eyed turtle-faced goobledonker (I made that up and it fits, use it) decided to write himself an op-ed. Wait until you get a load of the title of his masterful self-own, you ready? Ok, here it is: "Will Dems work with us, or simply put partisan politics ahead of the country?"

Are you dead yet? Many of us Democrats saw that headline and keeled over from the hell-ified audacity of Mr. Dorkface Obstruction Man trying to project his shit onto us. We can't be the only ones who remember a certain senator (surprise, it was Mitch McConnell!) saying his main goal was to make Obama a one-term president while he did everything he could to obstruct the Democrats. Oh yeah, and also MERRICK FUCKING GARLAND.

We have some of the dumbest things he said ready for you, so let's take a look and see which parts we want to drag him for today.

"Needless to say, the past two years of unified Republican government will be remembered as a period of historic productivity."

So, he starts off giving the GOP full credit for the Obama economy. We are used to that lie, so it doesn't really faze us. Republicans are known liars. It's in the Bible.

"The Senate has shattered records in confirming the president's well-qualified judicial nominees, including two outstanding jurists to serve on the Supreme Court."

Um? Outstanding? You confirmed an alleged sexual assaulter that we like to call Schrodinger's Rapist, Brett Kavanaugh. (We like to give cute little nicknames to all the drunken frat boys who cry and scream about beer and basketball during Senate hearings, while their alleged victim is calm, rational, and poised.)

"And together, we passed the first comprehensive reform of the nation's tax code in a generation. Already, Americans' paychecks are growing, consumer confidence is high and unemployment has reached a near 50-year low."

Oh gee, Mr. McConnell, sir, I sure am just as pleased as punch with my $12.50 annual tax cut while Ivanka (who allegedly steals designs for profit) gets enough benefits to feed every schoolchild in Arkansas. Swell job, guy!

Dude really doesn't see how ridiculous he is. Sad.

"That message may have been lost on a few House Democrats, who have made clear their preference for investigations over policy results. After years of rhetoric, it's hardly news that some are more interested in fanning the flames of division than reaching across the aisle."

Wait, wait, wait, wait, what the fuck you say? Did you forget about Benghazi?? We ain't forgot about Benghazi. Even Benghazi was tired of hearing about Benghazi. I DO NOT RECALL YOU BEING TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT BENGHAZI!

"What we can make of those opportunities will depend on our Democratic colleagues. Will they choose to go it alone and simply make political points? Or will they choose to work together and actually make a difference?"

Muthafucker. You are lucky Wonderbitch is not in the Senate. She is Maxine Waters's slap hand coach and you have a weak neck. (ALLEGEDLY. And also WITH VOTES.)

Interesting how McConnell thinks Democrats should lift one finger to help Trump pass anything that wasn't written by Democrats. We choose "GO IT ALONE" because you crazy, fascist, racist, sexist, xenophobic homophobes need to get some act right and a taste of your own medicine. We warned you. You didn't listen. You persisted in being assholes. Reap what you have sown and then we can chit chat about bipartisanship. AFTER you lose all three branches of government, though. Not before then.

"Most importantly, in the face of whichever tactics the far left chooses to employ next, we'll continue to stand for the rule of law. We'll continue to confirm more well-qualified nominees to serve on our nation's courts."

"Tactics?" Oh. He must means VOTING. And making sure everybody can vote, counting all the votes, and getting rid of gerrymandering. Those are the only things people in the Republican Party fear -- votes, voters, and voting are the only way to kill the future of the GOP.

We are not the only ones who are flabbergasted at the sheer gall of this turtle-man. The entire internet thought it was quite stupid and had many mean ass things to say to him. At the time of our reporting, his op-ed tweet has been up for 23 hours and has been ratioed to death with 9.6k likes and a whopping 47k comments. My oh my, Mitch! Wethinks people don't like you very much.

Maybe next time McConnell should just keep his stupid ass thoughts to himself. Nobody gives a shit about bipartisanship now that Obama's gone, Old dog.

Maybe it's time you learned a new trick.

Also, maybe it is time for Wonkers to have an OPEN THREAD.

[Fox News]

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