Mitch McConnell Officially Losing His Shit, Because The Senate Is IN PLAY, AYUP.

Mitch McConnell Officially Losing His Shit, Because The Senate Is IN PLAY, AYUP.
Beto pics in this post taken from Beto's Sextagram, we mean Instagram

Joyful news, of the kind that should make you GET OFF YOUR ASS AND WORK. Pundits are finally coming around to what yr Wonkette has been suspectin' for quite some time now, and it is that, despite what looks on paper to be a really harsh landscape for Democrats in the Senate, the upper house is pretty obviously IN PLAY and we could wake up one Wednesday morning in November controlling the whole entire Congress if we GET OFF OUR ASSES AND WORK.

Wanna know how we know the Senate is in play, besides how we are smart? Because Mitch McConnell is freaking out:

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday sounded some of the most doubtful notes of Trump's presidency that Republicans will keep the upper chamber of Congress, telling reporters, "I hope when the smoke clears, we'll still have a majority."

Oh yeah? Well Wonkette hopes when the smoke clears, we'll be able to make out the sound of Mitch McConnell up inside his turtle shell, crying TURTLE TEARS OF SADNESS about how he's going to die a turtle loser minority leader who ain't got no turtle power no more.

Things had been looking pretty nasty, as the Democrats are defending a bunch of seats in states won by Donald Trump. (Those in the most danger would be Joe Manchin in WV; Joe Donnelly in Indiana; Claire McCaskill in Missouri; Heidi Heitkamp in North Dakota; and Bill Nelson in Florida.) Meanwhile Republicans are only defending one seat in a state won by Hillary Clinton, and that is Dean Heller in Nevada.

Thing is, all those races are going pretty OK for the Democrats at this point, some of course better than others. The Cook Political Report currently has the five red state Dems above still listed as toss-ups. Tester in Montana "leans Dem." The other red state Dems, like Bob Casey in Pennsylvania and Debbie Stabenow in Michigan? THEY'RE FINE, at least so far.

As for the Republicans, Dean Heller's seat is a toss-up right now. Oh yeah, and also Jeff Flake's seat in Arizona and Bob Corker's seat in Tennessee. Ted Cruz's seat is still listed as "lean Republican," but our gut says that rating "leans bullshit."

Let's look at a few numbers:

  • Joe Manchin is up in West Virginia by seven or eight points, according to the Real Clear Politics average.
  • Joe Donnelly in Indiana, who was supposed to be the easiest get for the GOP, is up about six points.
  • Heidi Heitkamp (ND) and Claire McCaskill (MO) are about tied in their races.
  • Jacky Rosen, who is running against Republican Dean Heller in Nevada, is a little bit ahead in the RCP average, but she needs your help. HELP HER!
  • In Arizona, Democrat Kyrsten Sinema is running just about even with Republican Martha McSally. HELP HER TOO!

At this point, Bill Nelson of Florida is considered the most vulnerable sitting Democratic senator, and the latest poll has Batboy impersonator and current GOP governor Rick Scott up a couple points. But people are wildly excited about voting for Andrew Gillum for governor -- even according to Republican-leaning polling outfits -- so maybe that will help keep Nelson in place. As always, it's about turnout, turnout, turnout, and how do you make that happen? By knocking on doors and making phone calls and giving money! Hit up the Nelson campaign to help here.

Also, there have been some surprises! First of all, there is BETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

We've slobbered overwritten about Beto O'Rourke's race against Ted Cruz in Texas quite a bit lately, because the GOP is shitting its pants and hemorrhaging resources, due to how everybody hates Ted Cruz and his foreign-born face, and Texans secretly have been wanting to get off that ride for ages. Well, there's a new ride in town, and his name is BETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Texas is blanketed with Beto signs, conservative Texans seem confused as hell, and people are fired up and ready to go. The polls still show Beto down a few points, but they're getting closer, and the right amount of enthusiasm and voter participation could really give Texans some Beto O'Rourke in their stocking this Christmas.

Here, watch a video about Karen Collins, a retired quilter in Texas who wasn't really involved in poltiics before President Dipshit got elected, but is now involved at every level, and let her fire you up to help Beto cross the finish line:

But it's not just Beto!

Down here in Tennessee, there's beloved Democratic former governor Phil Bredesen, who is fired up and ready to kick Marsha Blackburn's lunatic ASS this November. And he's up in the polls! We've been watching the national media get all confused about this race, sure of itself that all these polls (every one of 'em) is an outlier, but Tennesseans know the truth, which is that everybody loves Phil Bredesen and everybody hates Marsha Blackburn. (She's kind of our Ted Cruz.)

Tennessee and Texas are clearly All Hands On Deck situations for Democrats (help Beto and Bredesen!), but if we work, and we work for all these incumbent Democrats and we work for Kyrsten Sinema in Arizona and we work to kick Dean Heller's ass in Nevada ... this is DOABLE.

And that is why Mitch McConnell and the GOP are so freaked out.

Oh yeah, and let us just briefly mention to you what might be a sleeper for the Democrats, and it is Mississippi. HEAR US OUT. We are not talking about the regular Mississippi Senate election in November. Roger Wicker is considered SOLID to win re-election. But there's also a Senate primary for Thad Cochran's seat on November 6, to see who will go up against Democrat Mike Espy in the special election November 27. Will he face bugfuck insane Chris McDaniel, or the slightly less insane Cindy Hyde-Smith, whom the governor appointed to fill out Cochran's term? We just don't know, but a recent poll shows Espy beating BOTH OF THEM.

So keep that one in your back pocket, especially if Mississippi selects McDaniel, who, again, is bugfuck insane. We could be looking at a HELLO, DOUG JONES situation in the state next door to Alabama.

The point of this post is DON'T BOO, VOTE, and FIRED UP, READY TO GO, and also more sexxx jokes about riding Beto O'Rourke, because we are gay like that.

Also it is your open thread.

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[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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