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Mitt Romney Did Not Say Any of the Things You Heard Him Say

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Who ELSE can Romney offend, now that he is done insulting England, praisingsocialism (seriously), scheduling a $50,000 per plate fundraiser on a national day of fasting set aside to commemorate Holocaust victims, making thinly veiled anti-Semitic comments praising Israel’s “business acumen,”and basically telling Palestinians that they suck for being poor?  A Palestinian official summed up our thoughts exactly when he said, "What is this man doing here? Yesterday, he destroyed negotiations by saying Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and today he is saying Israeli culture is more advanced than Palestinian culture.” Indeed. What IS this man doing here, and would you like to exchange him for Rick Santorum or Michele Bachmann, because we can maybe work that out for you! Anyway, you are thinking that there is no one left that he can possibly insult, but you are WRONG, there is someone, and it is you and your intelligence.


Under fire from Palestinian leaders for recent comments suggesting that Israel's economic success is borne out of its "culture," Mitt Romney on Tuesday attempted to clarify his remarks, telling Fox News that he had not talked about "the Palestinian culture or the decisions made in their economy."

"I'm not speaking about it, did not speak about the Palestinian culture," Romney told Fox's Carl Cameron, in an interview taped before the candidate's departure from Poland. "That's an interesting topic that perhaps could deserve scholarly analysis but I actually didn't address that. I certainly don't intend to address that during my campaign. Instead I will point out that the choices a society makes have a profound impact on the economy and the vitality of that society."

Choices like…socialized medicine? Which he seemed pretty excited about when he was in Israel? Or choices like…letting gays in the military maybe, which, as it turns out, he is also super into (so long as Poland does it or he happens to be Governor of Massachusetts).

Then there's the small matter of coming perilously close to invoking a "Culture of Poverty" argument, which wouldn't bode well for his Southern chances, since he seems to be explaining that it's the South's own damn fault they aren't as rich and awesome as every single blue state. Or at least, it wouldn't bode well for his Southern chances if Barack Obama were a white man.

Hopefully he will continue this winning streak when he is back in the U.S. We can't wait.

[CBS]

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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