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Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

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Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove andFox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own destiny? How come nobody was blaming him for the Republican Party smashing itself to pieces? Well, the Tea Party was, but did they even count, with their manmade, unbreathable fabrics and their slipcovered couches? No, for Mitt Romney to be blamed properly, it must be by the Elite, not the anti-government warriors scraping by month to month on their disability checks.


With that in mind, is it any wonder the Los Angeles Times was able to surreptitiously listen in on a Romney conference call, and come back with just the right gifts for the rest of us?

"The Obama campaign was following the old playbook of giving a lot of stuff to groups that they hoped they could get to vote for them and be motivated to go out to the polls, specifically the African American community, the Hispanic community and young people," Romney told hundreds of donors during a telephone town hall Wednesday. "In each case they were very generous in what they gave to those groups."

Young people got a break on student loans, and health coverage through their parents' plans. Those are pretty good things! You could also argue that investing in health and education for young people is a pretty good policy choice, but that kind of takes away from Romney's plan to jack our loathing of him back up to those heady pre-election heights.

"With regards to Hispanic voters, the amnesty for the children of illegals — the so-called Dream Act kids — was a huge plus for that voting group," he said. "On the negative side, of course, they always characterized us as being anti-immigrant, being tough on illegal immigration, and so forth, so that was very effective with that group."

Oh yes, Latinos got the DREAM Act -- or a piece of it, and finally. In the latest survey we could find, 75 percent of the nation, including more than 60 percent of Republicans, approved of letting kids stay here if they'd been here a long time, had come when they were children, and were in the military or in college. So does that make it a "gift" for Latinos, or does that make it a move with broad popular appeal that a super-majority thinks is the right thing to do? It's so hard to decide sometimes, the shittiest way to say something to get the most loathing for your buck.

But what about black people? Did they get a gift, or did they get jack shit like Cornel West says? (He is a walking, talking U MAD? right now.) Oh, they did get a gift, Gov. Romney? Was it an Obamaphone?

Romney said the Obama healthcare plan's promise of coverage "in perpetuity" was behind the intensity of support for the president among African American voters making $25,000 to $35,000, as well as Hispanic voters:

"With regards to African American voters, 'Obamacare' was a huge plus — and was highly motivational to African American voters. You can imagine for somebody making $25—, or $30—, or $35,000 a year, being told you're now going to get free healthcare — particularly if you don't have it, getting free healthcare worth, what, $10,000 a family, in perpetuity, I mean this is huge. Likewise with Hispanic voters, free healthcare was a big plus."

Wow, it is almost like Obamacare is a popular thing, that people want! But if it is only black people who get Obamacare, that is kind of fucked and unfair! Oh, it is not only black people who get Obamacare? But it is still a "gift" to the black community? That makes sense! For instance, we are black (we are not black), and we have Pre-Existing Condition Insurance (PCIP) through Obamacare. Rates are based on age and zip code, so we pay $244 a month. It's a really good deal! We're very happy with it! And did you know that the fact that we buy insurance at an affordable rate makes us moochers (just like all the black people!) who should die young so's to get off the public tit? Sadly, it is true.

So there you have it! Obama bribed the nation's youngs and minorities (and don't even get anyone started on the ladies and their "free" slut pills) to vote for him, with hard-fought policy prescriptions for some social ills that have troubled our nation for a very long time.

Anything to add, LAT?

Romney's frank analysis echoed his secretly taped comments at a May fundraiser, where he told a small group of donors that 47% of the electorate was unlikely to vote for him because they paid no income taxes and were dependent on government. It followed his running mate Paul D. Ryan's assertion that Obama's win stemmed from turnout among "urban" voters.

Both were at odds with the election results — Obama won several key states without large cities or minority populations. And he did so in part by asserting that it was Romney who was planning to disburse gifts — by virtue of a budget plan that included tax breaks heavily skewed toward the wealthy.

Don't listen to 'em Roms. Just typical liberal media nonsense. Instead, keep listening to the rightwing echo chamber that got you in this mess in the first place. Otherwise, the nation might slowly forget you ever existed.

[LAT]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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